That’s true. But I have to know. I have to know for myself. And for him. If we’re to have any future, then I need to know all of me.

If you’d have told me a few days ago that I’d be sitting in front of Julie McKenna’s house after hearing Dominic Miller say he loves me, I’d probably have asked you just how finely cut the cocaine you’re snorting is. It’s been that kind of a week. God. My life is so fucking strange.

Do it. Do it now. I’m either going to do it or leave. So just fucking do it.

I open the car door.

I remember her laugh.

I close it behind me.

I remember her smile.

I’m halfway across the street.

I remember her smell.

I’m on the sidewalk.

I remember how Bear sat in front of me, telling me she was gone.

My hands curl into fists at my side and my throat constricts.

Bear says, Breathe.

Otter says, Breathe.

Dom says, Just breathe, Ty. All you have to do is breathe. You breathe because it’s all inevitable. It’s all so inevitable. I promise you that you won’t be lost anymore.

I breathe. Most people don’t know just how precious the art of breathing truly is. I breathe because of Bear. I breathe because of Otter. I breathe because of Dominic, who I love. Of course I do. And I’ll tell him. I’ll tell them all. And we’ll figure everything out together and everything will be as it was and as it should be. It’s inevitable.

I don’t breathe because of her. Maybe I did at one point. Maybe that’s all I did. And maybe in the memories I have of her, there are good ones, times when she was my mother and I was her son and nothing else mattered. She left, but there was good in her. There was. I remember it. I remember the way her hair tickled my face when she kissed my nose. I remember the way she swung me up in the air. I remember the way her hand felt in mine as we listened to the waves on the beach. I remember that kite. I remember her.

But mostly I remember Bear. And Otter. And Dominic. They are my brothers. They raised me. They loved me for who I was and for who I’ve become. I’m lost, but Dom promised he’s found me, and Bear says the same. These are the men I aspire to be. These are the men I need. These people are my family, and they’d never leave. They’d never leave me behind.

And maybe that’s enough.

Maybe that’s all I need.

I touch the fence. It needs to be sanded down and repainted. It’d look just like new.

I watch the house, willing any sign to come from it to show me I shouldn’t just leave.

There’s nothing.

That’s it. I’m gone.

“What are you doing?” a voice asks from behind me.

I turn.