“I like how he should have either been a serial killer or a hooker,” Kori says. “It’s good to know Tyson has risen above the adversity that was his childhood and doesn’t walk the streets prowling for victims or johns.”

“You’re welcome,” Bear tells me.

“I don’t hook anymore,” I say.

“Good to know,” Otter says. “I was getting worried, what with all the men you were bringing home to have sex with for money. I at least should have seen an 80 percent cut of it. I was afraid Otter was going to have to choke a bitch.”

“And you two want to be parents,” I say, staring at them both. “Maybe you should shelve that whole idea for now.”

“You were the test run,” Bear reassures me. “We’ll do better next time.”

“You can adopt me,” Kori says. “I’m already an adult, and the only thing I would want is money and to be loved. In that order.”

“You’re already part of this family,” Otter tells him.

“Great! Can I have some money and love?”

“Go hook like your ex-boyfriend brother,” Otter says. “And remember that I get 80 percent. Don’t make Otter come after you. You won’t like what Otter does.”

“I think I would,” Kori says, fanning herself and batting her eyes.

“So gross,” I moan.

“Remember this moment when you think I’m the weird one,” Bear tells me.

“Super,” I say. “I think I’ll go to therapy now. Thanks to all of you for heaping upon the issues I already have.”

“You’re welcome,” they all intone.

FOR BETTER or worse, Eddie Egan hasn’t changed a bit.

“Tell me, Tyson,” he says as I sit across from him in his office, “at any point were you ever attracted physically to your mother?”

“I’m pretty sure that was never an issue,” I say. “Plus, there’s the whole gay thing, you know.”

“Right.” He frowns as he scribbles something ludicrously long on the legal pad in front of him. Bear and I have a bet going that he’s not actually taking notes just to do so for the session. Bear thinks he’s writing a book about the crazier of his patients, and that I’m going to be included. I think that he thinks he’s the one in therapy and is writing down all the things he wants to work on for himself. “The whole gay thing. You know, I’ve been doing some research about that.”

Uh-oh. “Have you?”

“Yes.”

I wait, but he just stares at me. “And what was the conclusion of your research?” I finally ask, unsure if that’s the smart thing to do.

“That there’s absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality,” he says. “It’s perfectly natural. Anyone who says otherwise is completely irresponsible.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Did you know that almost fifteen hundred species of animals have been observed engaging in homosexual behavior?”

“I think I heard that somewhere. Jeopardy, maybe.”

“Animals from penguins to baboons have been documented in homosexual relationships! Why, right now you could be infected with acanthocephalans who are at this very minute touching each other’s proboscis! Though, to have the gut worm, you would most likely have had to eaten scarabaeid beetle grubs. Have you eaten any beetle grubs lately?”