Contents (98)
- ALSO BY JOHN GREEN
- CONTENTS
- INTRODUCTION
- “YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE”
- HUMANITY’S TEMPORAL RANGE
- HALLEY’S COMET
- OUR CAPACITY FOR WONDER
- LASCAUX CAVE PAINTINGS
- SCRATCH ’N’ SNIFF STICKERS
- DIET DR PEPPER
- VELOCIRAPTORS
- CANADA GEESE
- TEDDY BEARS
- THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS
- AIR-CONDITIONING
- STAPHYLOCOCCUS AUREUS
- THE INTERNET
- ACADEMIC DECATHLON
- SUNSETS
- JERZY DUDEK’S PERFORMANCE ON MAY 25, 2005
- PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR
- PIGGLY WIGGLY
- THE NATHAN’S FAMOUS HOT DOG EATING CONTEST
- CNN
- HARVEY
- THE YIPS
- AULD LANG SYNE
- GOOGLING STRANGERS
- INDIANAPOLIS
- KENTUCKY BLUEGRASS
- THE INDIANAPOLIS 500
- MONOPOLY
- SUPER MARIO KART
- BONNEVILLE SALT FLATS
- HIROYUKI DOI’S CIRCLE DRAWINGS
- WHISPERING
- VIRAL MENINGITIS
- PLAGUE
- WINTRY MIX
- THE HOT DOGS OF BÆJARINS BEZTU PYLSUR
- THE NOTES APP
- THE MOUNTAIN GOATS
- THE QWERTY KEYBOARD
- THE WORLD’S LARGEST BALL OF PAINT
- SYCAMORE TREES
- “NEW PARTNER”
- THREE FARMERS ON THEIR WAY TO A DANCE
- POSTSCRIPT
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
- NOTES
- “You’ll Never Walk Alone”
- Humanity’s Temporal Range
- Halley’s Comet
- Our Capacity for Wonder
- Lascaux Cave Paintings
- Scratch ’n’ Sniff Stickers
- Diet Dr Pepper
- Velociraptors
- Canada Geese
- Teddy Bears
- The Hall of Presidents
- Air-Conditioning
- Staphylococcus aureus
- The Internet
- Academic Decathlon
- Sunsets
- Jerzy Dudek’s Performance on May 25, 2005
- Penguins of Madagascar
- Piggly Wiggly
- The Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest
- CNN
- Harvey
- The Yips
- Auld Lang Syne
- Googling Strangers
- Indianapolis
- Kentucky Bluegrass
- The Indianapolis 500
- Monopoly
- Super Mario Kart
- Bonneville Salt Flats
- Hiroyuki Doi’s Circle Drawings
- Whispering
- Viral Meningitis
- Plague
- Wintry Mix
- The Hot Dogs of Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur
- The Notes App
- The Mountain Goats
- The QWERTY Keyboard
- The World’s Largest Ball of Paint
- Sycamore Trees
- “New Partner”
- Three Farmers on Their Way to a Dance
- Postscript
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
- DISCOVER JOHN GREEN’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FICTION
- What’s next on your reading list?
This success is partly down to those laws protecting the birds, but also because in the past several decades, humans have rendered lots of land perfect for geese. Heavily landscaped suburbs, riverside parks, and golf courses with water features are absolutely ideal living conditions for them. Canada geese especially love eating seeds from the Poa pratensis plant, which is the most abundant agricultural crop in the United States. Also known as Kentucky bluegrass, we grow Poa pratensis in parks and in our front yards, and since the plant is of limited utility to humans,* geese must feel like we plant it just for them. One ornithologist observed, “Goslings and adults were found to show a marked preference for Poa pratensis from about 36 hours after hatching.”
Geese also enjoy rural fields near rivers and lakes, but the ratio of city geese to country geese in the United States is actually quite similar to the human ratio. At any given time, about 80 percent of American humans are in or near urban areas. For Canada geese, it’s about 75 percent.
In fact, the more you look, the more connections you find between Canada geese and people. Our population has also increased dramatically in the past several decades—there were just over two billion people on Earth in 1935, when live goose decoys were made illegal in the U.S. In 2021, there are more than seven billion people. Like humans, Canada geese usually mate for life, although sometimes unhappily. Like us, the success of their species has affected their habitats: A single Canada goose can produce up to one hundred pounds of excrement per year, which has led to unsafe E. coli levels in lakes and ponds where they gather. And like us, geese have few natural predators. If they die by violence, it is almost always human violence. Just like us.
But even though Canada geese are perfectly adapted to the human-dominated planet, they seem to feel nothing but disdain for actual humans. Geese honk and strut and bite to keep people away, even though they’re thriving because of our artificial lakes and manicured lawns. In turn, many of us have come to resent Canada geese as a pest animal. I know I do.
But they also allow me to feel like there’s still some proper nature in my highly sanitized, biologically monotonous suburban life. Even if geese have become mundane, there remains something awe-inspiring about seeing them fly overhead in a perfect V formation. As one enthusiast put it, the Canada goose “excites the imagination and quickens the heartbeat.” More than pigeons or mice or rats, geese still feel wild to me.
I suppose it’s a kind of symbiotic relationship in which neither party much likes the other, which reminds me: Just before graduating from college, my girlfriend and I were on our way to pick up some groceries in her ancient blue sedan when she asked me what my biggest fear was.
“Abandonment,” I said. I was worried the end of college would spell the end of our relationship, and I wanted her to reassure me, to tell me that I need not fear being alone, because she would always be there, and etc. But she wasn’t the sort of person to make false promises, and most promises featuring the word “always” are unkeepable. Everything ends, or at least everything humans have thus far observed ends.