‘Jesus, it’s only quarter to twelve,’ groaned Anthony, ‘people aren’t supposed to arrive till half past, Benedict go and change that T-shirt at once,’ and he walked to the front door.

They all heard Anthony’s surprised voice because the Tom Waits CD had just come to end.

‘Iona! Iona, come in darling, come in, what a surprise!’

‘Heavens,’ whispered Pauline to the others, ‘it’s the appalling Iona Spring, how on earth did she get here? She lives in Hollywood. Thank God Elvira’s at a crime-writers’ conference!’

Iona Spring, the third ex-wife of Terence Blue, wafted into the sitting room of the Bonham’s house trailing clouds of Guerlain and sighing. Benedict, coming down the stairs with an almost identical T-shirt on, gave an audible gasp as he caught sight of her.

‘Darling!’ cried Iona Spring to Pauline, ‘was it all right to come?’

‘Of course Iona,’ said Pauline pleasantly. They kissed, more or less, on both cheeks. Iona did not take off her dark glasses

‘I just hope the press don’t follow me here, I’m having such a dreadful time with them. I knew it was the garden party because I saw Terence’s invitation on the mantelpiece in the Hampstead house, I still have a key, I only arrived yesterday. Terence wasn’t there of course, I expect he’s in his house in Suffolk, well I mean where does one go actually when one is remanded on bail for rape?’

‘Have you spoken to him?’

‘Oh we don’t speak darling, not since we split up.’

‘But you went to his house?’

‘D’you know darling I left some exquisite shoes there when I moved out, so I thought I’d pick them up.’

Just for a second, just when she said I thought I’d pick them up, Iona’s South-London accent broke through. ‘Do you know the press were camping in his front garden, I suppose they urinate on the roses.’ She shuddered slightly. Then she turned to Anthony and in the sweetest Received Pronunciation said to him, ‘Darling is there just a little champagne with perhaps mostly orange juice?’

‘Come and sit outside Iona,’ said Pauline, ‘and Anthony will bring you a beautiful Buck’s Fizz.’

‘Is there just a little shady bit?’

‘There’s just a little shady bit, under our beautiful oak tree, you will look a picture.’

‘Don’t mean to make a fuss darling but I’m in the middle of filming and I must be careful. Oh – Elvira won’t be here will she?’ She dimpled prettily.

‘No,’ said Pauline rather shortly.

‘Does she hate me still for taking Terry away from her?’

‘Elvira never hated you Iona,’ said Pauline. ‘She is very happily married now to a very very rich farmer who is a friend of the Queen.’

‘Oh,’ said Iona.