Leanne gave her glass a careful half turn. ‘Tell me, James, are you still as creative as you always were?’ she asked.

The spineless shell replied: ‘Oh, I work in the media now.’

‘He’s been with the same paper since he left school, worked his way up, and he’s made a good life for himself in the city,’ Yvonne said, digging her elbow into his side. ‘He doesn’t blow his own trumpet enough.’

‘It was nice of you to come, Jamie, but don’t assume people up here aren’t leading good lives,’ Doris said.

‘Mother,’ Yvonne said, telling her off.

Doris shrugged.

James thought it better to just raise his glass. ‘Well, to Tony,’ he said.

They all followed, apart from Doris, whose wrist started to tremble.

‘It’s just so lovely to see everyone again after all these years, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘And Leanne came across to be with us to remember Tony. He loved you very much,’ she added, underlining the last two words with a double tap of her hand on Leanne’s arm.

Leanne responded by leaning in, pursing her lips together, and tapping Doris’s arm.

Yvonne swirled her glass, emptied it down her throat, and said: ‘Well, Tony loved Jamie too. To leave him everything, he obviously must have loved Jamie very much.’

James choked on a gulp of wine. Leanne flinched and her glass toppled onto the floor. ‘Oh bugger...’

Doris let out a muffled cry and looked as though she could crush Yvonne, until Leanne pushed between them and made for the bathroom.

James shook his head and appealed for his cousin to be silent.

Yvonne opened her eyes wide and shook hers back at him. ‘What?’ she asked.

‘Clear this up before someone treads on it,’ Doris said, and followed Leanne.

In a fake tone meant only for James, Yvonne said: ‘Whoops.’

He retrieved a dustpan from beside the chest freezer and started sweeping up while Yvonne checked on the girls.

Doris emerged with paper towels and silently wiped down the table, the padded seat and the carpet. When it was done to her satisfaction, she found a bin near the door and shoved all the soaked scraps into it.

‘Both of you, leave that poor girl alone,’ she said. ‘She’s suffered enough.’

Yvonne grunted. ‘Jamie hasn’t said a thing,’ and started brushing down the front of her skirt.

‘It’s probably too late for her and Ian to have any kids, you know?’ Doris said.

‘Who said anything about kids?’ Yvonne asked.

‘Leave it there,’ Doris said, pointing a finger.

Yvonne dismissed it with a swipe of her hand. ‘No one in this family ever has the guts to say things out loud!’

James put his hands up in a conciliatory way, but Yvonne shot him a stern glance and aimed her words right at her mother.

‘Did Dad tell you about how well our business is going?’