James wrenched the door open, prepared to push past if he had to, but the cowboy was busy manhandling himself, bottom lip glistening below a much older face than James had imagined.

Outside, a white ute sped up the steep rise towards the main road as James crossed to the hire car. He got in feeling as though the real James had been left watching in the warmth of the vehicle while a spineless shell had gone looking for the site of a suicide but ended up cruising for sex.

Another headline came to him with relief and an embarrassed laugh as he turned the key.

Local graziers in public sex sting.

Back in town for just one hour. Reasons why this trip home is different:-

I’m only here for two days max (calm down).

Kippen has a gay beat (who knew?).

Local farmers are cruising for sex with men (can’t believe I’m even writing that down).

I shouldn’t be going to beats (Dylan will kill me if he finds out).

Tony might have killed himself because of what happened in 1985.

Two 1985

TWO
1985

James couldn’t decide what was worse: being forced to stay with Dad or having to waste most of the school holidays on meeting his father’s new girlfriend.

For weeks, he’d weighed these options ahead of the day-long rail journey from the city to Kippen with his brother, which involved two changes of train and started with their mother embarrassing James and Alan during her big farewell from Sydney’s Central railway station.

‘I don’t want either of you to get drawn into any talk about land, or inheritance, or stuff like that, okay? There’s bound to be talk because Tony’s getting married,’ she said, pushing the packed lunches and bottles of juice on them.

‘Okay, Mum,’ James said, rolling his eyes because people had noticed.

‘The new floozie might be with your father when he collects you from the train station, so be nice,’ she said in her pre-school teacher’s voice, slow and falsely polite when directed at anyone over three feet tall.

‘Rightyo.’

‘Stick with your brother, and see you up there in a couple of days. Tell them all Rebecca Brandt is coming back, and she’s fabulous!’ she said, one hand on her hip, the other behind her head, laughing.

James smiled and waved to cover up his intention to do whatever he wanted.

He ate the packed lunch before they reached Newcastle, ditched the juice on the platform, and used his emergency telephone money to buy coffee from the canteen while they waited for the rear carriages to be uncoupled.

‘Mum said you’re supposed to sit with me,’ Alan said, not looking up from his electronic game when James returned to their seats.