‘Perhaps if I told you a little bit about my own experience?’ he asked, placing her tea on the table but staying on his feet.

‘What would you know about it?’

‘Well-’

‘No, you’re the wrong person to ask,’ she said, cutting him off.

There was nothing for James to do with those words, they swept all safety aside.

‘I should get going,’ he said as calmly as he could manage.

But her voice wavered up a few notches. ‘We’d put you up, of course, but I should think that’s too much for any normal family in our situation, although I just don’t know how you’ll find things over at your father’s.’

James considered the risk of placing a hand on her even as he watched his fingers descend onto her shoulder. She shrugged him off but he patted her cautiously, just as his uncle appeared in the hallway entrance.

‘I’ll see you both tomorrow,’ James whispered, crossing to the screen door.

It swung open and he got almost all the way to the car before it made the unintentional slam that cut through the yard and spooked the dogs.

In the rear-vision mirror his uncle was framed by the door, looking lost.

As he reversed, James got a quick impression of the shape of his aunt, who seemed to be slamming things around in the kitchen.

Turning the wheel, he felt an unbearable urge to go back in and shout the entire house down. He saw himself pointing at them both and telling the truth about Tony; the laughing, wry, gorgeous Tony.

But she would scream until she would hear nothing, and Uncle Bill seemed beyond James’s help.

So he put his foot down, swerved onto the driveway, and was swallowed by dust.

Back in town for just over five hours, and:-

Dad’s retirement is getting off to a good start (not).

I seem to have inherited five thousand acres and two homesteads (thanks Tony).

What the fuck am I going to do with it???

Bill and Doris have no idea why Tony killed himself (and they don’t want to know).

If I hang around the farms too long, I’m worried I’ll tell them anyway.

Four 1985

FOUR
1985

While James had been out filling tanks with his uncle and Tony, Alan had spent the day digging weeds in the veggie garden and seemed to have scored himself plenty of points; whereas James got in trouble for using too much water in the bathroom.

‘We’re on tank water in case you’ve forgotten,’ Aunty Doris said from the stove. ‘You shouldn’t need to be in the shower for more than three minutes.’

‘And you only flush if you’ve done number two,’ Yvonne added, sitting at the kitchen table making pink rosettes out of plastic ribbons.

‘Or go over by the back fence garden, like your brother,’ his aunt said, invoking Alan’s good behaviour again.