‘This next measure,’ the Leader continued, looking serene, ‘will disappoint those who are fond of their own aggrandisement.’

There was distaste and ridicule in his voice. He fixed Stalin with a stare. He had been considering the policy he was about to announce for some time. When he had first recognised the interloper in the front row, he had controlled his shock masterfully. Now that his speech had become a battle of wills with the Russian dictator, he drew on his powers of improvisation to deliver a body-blow.

‘Today I announce a revolution in the naming of public places.’

Stalin refolded his arms, and listened attentively. There was a hint of a smile around his mouth as he prepared for further amusement. The Leader assumed a po-face.

‘Too many places are offensively named after so-called great men, military victories or some point of local ethnicity. Our new system will be based on grid references, for example, “I live at 001567.” It’s the logical conclusion of the postcode system. Place names will also perform a useful social function. They will no longer be the decadent celebration of a single person or act, but will instead have meaning for the whole of society.’

He leant over the lectern, challenging any contradiction to his logic.

‘People will rejoice to be living in Disabled Street or Income Support Row.’

Stalin merely gawped, unable to respond. This latest statement of policy was beyond his comprehension.

‘I’d like to finish with a story, something I heard a few days ago, one that beggars belief in this day and age.’

The Leader paused so his audience could change gear from presentation to parable.

‘The following is true. I haven’t embellished a single word for dramatic effect. I have no desire to wow you. Just the honest, simple and sad truth.’

He leant over the lectern to gather in his flock, and stared into the middle distance, his face a picture of plaintive misery. This was going to be a difficult piece.

The story begins with the Zamosky family, two working parents with two children. Margarita is a care worker in a learning support centre, Frederick is the mother of the family looking after the kids at home. A happy family with everything to live for.

Frederick and Margarita take their six-year-old Felix to the superstore for the weekly shop, leaving his brother at home watching an educational programme on television. The family wanders the aisles with a long list of items.

Felix gets bored and asks if he can go and play conkers with the other children beside a horse chestnut tree outside the store. He is mature for his age, top of his class. His parents trust him, they give permission. They are a forward-thinking family, keen to extend a sense of carefree responsibility to their off-spring

Felix is active, full of energy and life. He finds a monster conker and borrows a skewer and string from a teenage boy. Soon he’s wielding his weapon against an opponent in a vicious conker competition.