His uncle was beset with worry. Had his investment in the child been unwise?

Oblivious to these concerns, the young inventor persisted in his experiments. He adapted the device to serve an even higher purpose. Worn on an arm strap, the MoronOmeter acted as an eye into the world of its user. It too had a warning function. If the user was doing something moronic, like watching reality TV, a voice intoned: ‘Moron! Stop it!’

Much to Tancredi’s surprise, and his uncle’s delight, the machine was a sell-out, but not for the reasons he might have wished. Although the MoronOmeter was intended as a life-enhancing technology, it actually encouraged the behaviour it sought to prevent.

Just as pigs love filth, morons revel in their condition. The global brotherhood of swearers, alcoholics, drug takers and trouble makers were at last united with a purpose – who could be the most moronic? Foulness was now something at which to excel. Soon there was a Moron Master League, in which armies of the professionally unemployed battled to secure the honorific conferred by his machine.

Tancredi was now in his prime, a light-heavy-weight with rimless inventor’s glasses perched on a handsome face, and thick hair falling in every direction. Although his uncle had spent most of the profits from his invention on silk kimonos and exotic linens, Tancredi had enough left to buy a ticket on a space ship making its maiden voyage to the stars. He was terrified at the prospect of the journey, but knew there was no choice. Earth was a temple of expediency dedicated to the god of thoughtlessness. He must travel to fulfil his task.

Inexperienced and unsupported, the best he could do was launch himself in what might be the right direction. He hoped that determination, along with a little good fortune, would get him to where he needed to go. It was a troubled but purposeful young man who said goodbye to his uncle and the feckless people of Earth.

II
The Space Ship Invincible

Tancredi looked up at the immensity of the ship’s pin-shaped hull, a grey sea of shining metal dotted with windows and escape pods. He performed a somersault on the spot. Silly behaviour was the best antidote to anxiety. Before him was the spectacular vista of the mast, skyscraper-tall, disappearing into space. How would the monster get airborne?

Despite the size of the Invincible, embarkation was through a tiny portal set into its side, through which passengers were obliged to crawl on their bellies. It would take hours for everyone to board.

‘Pirates, Sir,’ said the ship’s First Officer, noticing Tancredi’s look of bewilderment. ‘When everyone’s in, pins will be set into the inner door as part of the ship’s state-of-the-art defence system.’

‘That’s ridiculous.’

‘Not at all. It’s the latest technology. Our Astro-Voyager is the first to use it. When we’re all happily boarded, you’ll see how it works. You’ll be amazed by the beauty of the system. Simplicity combined with complexity to create harmonious unity.’