‘You’ll see,’ she replied. ‘We’d better do as we’re told.’

‘Come on, Kasbek, you play too,’ he said, raising the confused dog onto his back legs.

The crowd formed into neat lines across the stadium.

Shortly, the tune of ‘Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?’ blared through the speakers.

The crowd screamed, ‘We are!’ The ritualistic question and answer was repeated several times.

‘You’re warmed up,’ continued the voice. ‘Now, you all know what to do. Start to kick on the count of three. Remember, kick as high as you can.’ There was a pause, then the voice shouted: ‘One …two …three!’

There was a roar from the crowd as they began a synchronised can-can.

‘Kick! Kick! Kick!’ screeched the voice.

‘This is absurd,’ Tamany laughed, remembering the Matron on Sanitalis as he kicked his little legs. ‘Why is everyone obsessed with this silly dance?’

‘No, it makes sense,’ replied Bonnita, puffing out her cheeks. ‘We all have to practise for when Surprise goes supernova.’

Tancredi felt the vibration of the disaster drill in his subterranean chamber. When he’d refused to co-operate with Cocomo’s commands, she’d summoned some guards to help him dress.

‘We’re not even married,’ Tancredi protested.

‘Rubbish,’ replied a guard, ‘no one does the ceremony voluntarily.’ He pointed at Cocomo. ‘So why would she do this unless you were? Just get dressed.’

Following this altercation, Tancredi was required to squeeze into a dinner jacket several sizes too small. The trousers hung above his ankles and his wrists protruded from short sleeves. He resembled a schoolboy whose parents couldn’t afford a new uniform. The outfit was completed by a green, red and yellow fool’s cap, featuring multiple peaks tipped by bells.

Cocomo came in, wearing a white taffeta and lace wedding dress with a short hemline that showed off her beautiful legs. Her hands were encased in velvet gloves, her head adorned by a diamond tiara beneath a satin veil. She twirled about with a girlish giggle in front of a mirror. She looked stunning.

‘I never thought I’d get divorced before I was married,’ she laughed. ‘Maybe this is a better way round.’

‘Why don’t you have to look ridiculous?’ Tancredi asked.

‘Wait and see,’ Cocomo replied.

Another guard, dressed in storm-proof clothing with goggles, arrived in the preparation area.

‘You ready?’ he clipped.

Cocomo nodded. Tancredi looked vacant.

‘Alright then, follow me.’

Tancredi had to be escorted up some stairs to a parking lot beside the arena.

‘Don’t be such a baby,’ said Cocomo, ‘we’ll do this together.’ She grabbed his hand as if he were a child. ‘I’ve always wanted to do it anyway.’

‘Please move onto the platform,’ a guard said pointing to the back of a vehicle.

As Tancredi climbed up he felt the old fear returning. He despised himself. He wanted to be brave, but he could no more change his character than the colour of his eyes. All he need do was hang on. What was the worst that could happen? A guard tied a roll of cloth onto the back of Cocomo’s wedding train, creating a tail of fantastic length. Another ascended the driver’s cab and fired the engine.