‘So food is your religion?’ asked Tancredi, beginning to understand the logic behind the planet’s culture.

The Game Show Master laughed so hard he fell off his board again.

‘Goodness me, no!’ he exclaimed. ‘Of course not. Our society’s based on food – isn’t our religion obvious?’

Tancredi looked blank.

‘Surely you can tell, a child would know the answer,’ he said exasperated, then looked at Tamany for help.

‘I’m sorry,’ replied Tancredi, ‘I don’t understand. What’s the religion of a planet dedicated to food?’

XVI
Tancredi’s Lucky Dip

The jovial giant flew the group on his hoverboard to the great Game Show Hall of Obesitas, a series of concentric crimson shining bubbles rising into the sky like the effervescence of a foam bath. It towered above the capital city, Lard.

Cocomo was a reluctant passenger; she disliked putting herself in another person’s hands. Given that she had no choice, she used the trip to observe the rudimentary operation of the giant’s machine. Tancredi was focussed on the remarkable new planet they were experiencing. He was amazed by the religion on Obesitas, and said as much to his pink host.

‘Consider this,’ the Game Show Master replied. ‘You worship at church on Sunday morning. We worship before the television on Saturday night. You devour Christ’s body and blood. We eat pizza and drink beer. But your world is irreligious. On Obesitas, the entire planet is dedicated to the Game Show. I don’t wish to be disparaging, but our Game Show is far more important to our people than your God is to yours.’

‘But what about Government?’

‘Politicians in other worlds fawn on the people. They shape their speeches, seeking to draw people in with words like “change”, “trust”, “fairness”. And the result? People don’t believe them, and couldn’t care less. Governments come and go, lurching from one expedient to the next.’

He paused, weighing up the importance of what he was about to say.

‘We Game Show Hosts realise a simple truth – the people are morons. That’s how to treat them. They are moved by the lowest common denominator. The more mindless, the better. Serve up infantile questions and idiotic tasks. Turn unmarried mothers and hard-luck delinquents into heroes. Give them a focus. Give them hope.’

He gurgled and licked the area around his mouth.

‘This is where the power lies, this is what matters.’

‘So treating people like Neanderthals is enlightened?’ asked Tancredi.

‘Imagine the reaction if politicians in other worlds were to announce, “You’re all idiots, you’d better watch TV all day.” They can’t, so they dissemble and use weasel words. They pose like actors playing silly cameo roles to show how much they care. We, on the other hand, have the strength to speak the truth. One day the whole Universe will be ruled by Game Show Hosts.’

‘And you mistook us for freaks come to play in a show?’ Tancredi said.

‘Forgive me. We have a prurient interest in our contestants, of course. You’re so different, you’d be a great success. I meant no offence. You should play. All visitors to our world do.’