Finished at last, the Beginner faces the room with blinking, pink-kissed eyes and is soon met by a whirlwind of applause. Drew’s biceps ripple as he pounds his hands together, but an electric shock of pins and needles barrels through my chest. By the time Molly and I realize we need to join in the applause, the child is already hurrying back to their half-moon desk. A fire roars in me imagining the gamer cons and wildly creative cosplaying they’ve missed out on since coming to Nightlight.

Without warning, with no one paying attention except me, the young Beginner does something that sucks the air from my lungs: they look me straight in the eye…and contort their face in an expression of wiseass, mock anguish. Then they smile, wink, and discreetly make a jerking off gesture that neither Briggs nor Drew spot.

The Beginner’s story was all for show. At least, the misery of it was.

The kid is fine—at least, they seem fine? Cocky, even. I flash the ponytailed little dude a thumbs-up as they take their seat, and relief returns to me with cold comfort: I’m not the only one faking my way through Nightlight.

My inferno doesn’t stay away long, however. It erupts again as the Expulsion entries continue for minutes that stretch like hours: Lacrishia confesses her early childhood crush on Harley Quinn and Molly reveals her brother’s schizophrenia—both of which Drew gives equal weight in laying the groundwork for their sinful, queer destinies.

Molly’s mother ran off a few years ago, leaving her to become the mother to her dependent older brother…and a maid to her useless father. “My dad’s right—it’s my mom’s fault I’m like this,” Molly reads from her diary, clearly lying but nevertheless carrying on. “She left and I found a girlfriend ’cuz I’ve been looking for another woman to replace her.” Rage bends Molly’s fingers deeper into her notebook paper, but she knows to stay in line. Just get through the reading, Molly. It’s all bullshit. “I got a girlfriend because I wanted to be like my mom and avoid my responsibilities. It’s my responsibility to look after my brother…no matter how he treats me. It’s my responsibility to be the Woman of the House, at least until my dad can find a new wife. A girlfriend is only going to make trouble for me…”

No wonder Molly wants to grab her girlfriend and disappear from Tucson. Her animal of a father has been using her. More responsibility talk—Molly, be responsible for your brother. Connor, be responsible for this baby that’s not even yours.

This isn’t responsibility, it’s control.