Imagining lungs full of ink is not the most pleasant thought. “And suppose that doesn’t work?”

“If I were you? I’d seriously consider prison.” He tells me that draft refusers are getting sentenced to two or three years in minimum-security jails where you’re not mixed in with hard-core criminals. David Harris, the husband of the folk singer Joan Baez, is in a minimum-security prison that even has tennis courts.

(Bang! Two small flakes of paint flutter down from the ceiling. I know Musclini’s moods. When he works out this hard, he’s extra pissed off about something.)

It’s hard to imagine going to prison, even the minimum-security variety. Two or three years sounds like an eternity. Given the shakiness of things with Robin right now, is it realistic to think she’d be there when I got out? Once again regret and self-reproach well up. What was I thinking last year? Why didn’t I try to get my grades up for Goddard after they wait-listed me?

Long-distance phone calls to Canada are expensive. No point in staying on the phone when all I’m doing is castigating myself. But before I hang up, I ask Rudy how it’s going in Saskatchewan. He says it’s lonely. There’s a piano in a nearby church, but it’s a piece of crap and doesn’t stay in tune. He says he’s felt suicidal at times; the only thing that keeps him going is the hope that life will get better. As soon as he can move, the Toronto Draft Programme’s said it will place him in an apartment with other draft dodgers.

Is that my future, too? Stuck in an apartment with a bunch of draft resisters? Doing what? Jesus. Sounds depressing.

“So, what do you think you’ll do?” Rudy asks.

“I don’t know; all the options feel either shitty or iffy.” Which pretty much describes the way I’m feeling, too.

He must hear how bummed I am. “You a musician?”

Huh? “No. Why?”

“You might consider cutting off a finger. I’ll send you the information.”

Would I be out of my mind to choose prison? Look on the plus side: two or three years with plenty of time to read and write, and maybe even get back into tennis.