The familiar twinge of defiance rears its head. Why should I? For so long I did what I was told. Then I swung 180 degrees and stopped. Is it psychic weariness that now lets the pendulum swing back toward the path of least resistance? It just feels like there are so many bigger issues to confront than whatever stupid scam the paterfamilias is involved in. Who has the energy for mindless rebellion? I take out my wallet and replace my old license with this new one.

Then I pick up a pencil and begin to write.

Lucas was twelve when his father began to enter them in father-and-son tennis tournaments. With his father on the court beside him, Lucas felt intimidated by the pressure to win. Every time he swung at a ball, he felt his father’s demanding gaze. Lucas always choked, and he and his father always lost. And it was always Lucas’s fault. Sometimes they would drive all the way home from a tournament without speaking. Sometimes Lucas’s father would talk about the match and what they could have done to play better. His father said that if they kept playing, eventually Lucas would get “tournament tough.” But with each tournament, Lucas would still choke. He started pretending he didn’t care if they won or not. Finally the day came when Lucas’s father lost his temper and yelled that he wished to God that Lucas wouldn’t be such a goddamn goofball.

Lucas’s father wanted Lucas to be just like him. Not a goofball. Lucas’s father owned some businesses and made his own hours so that he could take time off to play tennis tournaments all over the Northeast. He won lots of tournaments and collected trophies. In their den at home, the trophies multiplied like rabbits. When Lucas was young, he wondered what those little golden men were doing at night. Were they sneaking out to meet women’s tennis trophies? Did women’s tennis trophies get sent to stay with relatives far away when their little golden tummies began to expand?

Like most kids, deep down Lucas wanted his father’s approval. So when he was a sophomore in high school, he went out for the tennis team. The coach paired him with Johnny, who was Lucas’s friend and someone he often played tennis with in the summer. Lucas and Johnny played third doubles, the lowest position.

Johnny was a good athlete and after a few weeks, the coach moved him up to second doubles. Lucas’s new partner was an obnoxious kid who wasn’t very good. But that didn’t stop the kid from criticizing Lucas every time he missed a shot.