‘Absolutely. Even I cannot remember the minutes before we struck the mine . . . if that was indeed what happened. Some say we were torpedoed.’ She stared pointedly at me, her face creased with worry-lines, and in a moment of panic I began to wonder if she knew what I had done. ‘However, I was in the mess eating brown bread and jam. I remember that clearly.’ She turned to me. ‘Smith, do you remember eating brown bread and jam for breakfast in the mess that morning?’

‘I do, Matron. Clear as day.’

‘And do you remember anything about the portholes in the ward, Smith?’

‘It’s a blank, Matron. I went straight to my cabin and gathered my belongings, as you instructed, but I took too long because I went back to get something I’d forgotten. You chastised me, as I recall, because we missed our lifeboat. Nevertheless, they made room for us on Lifeboat 2, Matron. I fell from the boat and almost drowned, but later, when I was back in the boat, I spotted Corporal Perkins unconscious in the sea. I pointed him out and he was rescued.’

She nodded. ‘Good, that will do. You realise you saved his life? Don’t forget to tell them about the blood transfusion. Another few minutes and his heart would have failed. Also, I’m reminded that inadvertently you saved our lives by causing us to miss that first lifeboat.’

I made a little nod. A great weight lifted from my shoulders, so suddenly I almost lost balance. Tears sprung to my eyes, which Matron, who never missed a thing, noticed. ‘It will be all right, Smith, and the sooner this is dealt with, the sooner we can get back to our jobs. The past only has one purpose: to teach us not to make the same mistakes again.’

I wanted to turn and run away – flee from everything. The air around me was filled with my panic, my mouth wouldn’t work, my brain was so confuddled that even my eyes wouldn’t focus. Matron placed her hands on my shoulders, keeping me still while she stared into my face.

‘Let me repeat that, Smith. The important thing to remember is: what has already happened, cannot be changed. However, the future can. We must strive to be the best people, the best example of prudence possible, in all things, from this moment on. Try to remember that, every day, on your walk through life, Miss Smith.’

I couldn’t help myself; I leapt forward, flung my arms around her and gave her such a hug. ‘I will, I promise I will. Thank you, Matron, thank you!’ I gasped.

‘Decorum, Miss Smith,’ she whispered. ‘Now, off to your hotel for an early night, then the inquiry tomorrow. I’ll see you there, don’t be late.’

*