When did you first think that suicide might be an option for you?

Think seriously?

Think seriously.

Maybe I’m not even sure what that means. When I was younger—ten, eleven—I had a sort of waking dream that was frightening to me. And then I realized that it was neither waking nor a dream. It was something else. And I had no reason to believe that what I saw did not exist and that if that realm was unknown to us that didnt make it less threatening but more.

What was the dream? Or the vision or whatever it was.

I saw through something like a judas hole into this world where there were sentinels standing at a gate and I knew that beyond the gate was something terrible and that it had power over me.

Something terrible.

Yes. A being. A presence. And that the search for shelter and for a covenant among us was simply to elude this baleful thing of which we were in endless fear and yet of which we had no knowledge.

You were how old?

Ten. I think ten.

Did you have this vision again?

No. There was nothing else to see. The keepers at the gate saw me and they gestured among themselves and then all of that went dark and I never saw it again. I called it the Archatron.

The presence beyond the gate.

The presence beyond the gate.

And it was shrouded away.

Yes.

But nothing is changed.

Nothing is changed. I wish it were a dream and I could wake. I wish I could forget it but I cant. I wish I could be who I was before but I never will be.

What else?

That’s all. Everyone knows that the act of suicide is always there. Not too many people choose it. Nietzsche says that it can get you through many a bad night. Just the idea. But it’s only for a few. People are very attached to their lives.

But not everybody.

No.

Let me try another tack.

Watch the boom.

Have you ever had the sense that the Kid and his companions were assigned to you?

Assigned.

Yes.

By whom?

I dont know. Maybe this sorts somehow with the question of whether or not they might have other clients.

We might have to inquire of the clients. Put an ad in the personals.

Maybe it just strikes me that a figure as well delineated as you describe the Kid to be might come equipped with something like a portfolio. I’ve still no idea what you make of him. The brain must have to use a good deal of energy to put together such a construct. Not to mention maintaining it consistently over a period of years. What do you think could be worth such an outlay?

I dont know. It’s a bitch, aint it?

Well. Something like that.