IV

Good morning.

Good morning.

How are things going? You seem a bit somber.

Somber.

Do you have everything you need?

Could you be more specific?

Sorry. I guess I’m just asking if you’re reasonably comfortable. If there’s anything I can do for you.

Why dont we just get started.

I’m not just being polite.

All right. How about a pingpong net?

Do you play pingpong?

No.

The general rule is to try to minimize any possible opportunity for the patients to harm themselves. So you really have to be pretty scrupulous. No belts or ropes or anything like that. Glass, sharp objects.

Ergo stainless steel mirrors.

Yes.

Have you been finding a lot of patients dangling from pingpong nets?

No, but it’s probably happened. Somewhere. How about something I might put in a request for without making a lot of trouble.

No deal. It’s nets or nothing.

Sorry. What should we talk about?

I dont know. Ask me three questions and then I’ll ask you three.

Okay.

Okay?

Sure.

Who goes first?

You can go first.

All right. Anything?

I think so.

Okay. What’s your wife’s name?

Edwina.

You’re kidding me. Oh shit. I’m sorry. I shouldnt have said that.

It’s all right.

Does she have a nickname?

Ed.

You call your wife Ed?

Yes. That’s three questions.

Come on.

All right. One more.

How long have you been married?

Eleven years. Altogether. After we divorced I was a bachelor for three years. Then we remarried and we’ve been married ever since. How many questions is that?

Why did you get divorced?

You asked me that.

I know. Were you bad?

That’s a bit personal.

Were you?

That’s it. My turn.

You didnt answer. Do you take your wife out?

Yes. Of course.

Where do you go?

We go to dinner. Sometimes with friends. We go to movies. We’re members of the Symphony. We go bowling.

You dont go bowling.

No. It must be my turn.

All right. Fire away.

It was just a joke. The bowling.

Bowling is not a joke. I love bowling. Bowling is my life.

I dont think so. Do you keep a diary?

No.

You’ve never kept a diary?

I didnt say I’d never kept one.

But not lately.

Not lately. Have you ever read a patient’s diary?

No.

I would think it might be useful.

You just want to know if I’m honest. How old were you when you learned to read?

Four.

Did your mother teach you?

Not exactly. I learned by looking on with her while she read to me at bedtime. When she found out that I could read it scared her. But it was your fault, right?

The divorce.

Yes.

Yes. It was.

And then she took you back. After three years.

Yes. Mercifully.

Did you beg on your knees?

No. I think it’s my turn.

But some pretty dedicated courting, right?

Yes.

Okay.

You dont have any friends. Does this mean you find people boring?

No. People surprise me all the time.