Just a note to myself. Is that all right?

Sure. Pick up milk. Call mother.

Do you want to see it?

No.

You’re sure? I dont mind.

I’m sure.

You think sometimes I dont listen.

I think you listen. I’m not so sure what you hear.

You have friends here. At Stella Maris. What about them?

Yes, well. Sometimes I’ll pick out somebody in the dayroom and just sit down and start talking to them.

What do they say?

Usually nothing. But sometimes they’ll start talking about what’s on their mind and then in the middle of their disquisition they’ll make a reference to something I said. Much in the way you might incorporate some sound in the night into your dream. And I have to say that to see my thoughts sorted into their monologue can be a bit unsettling. I would like to belong but I dont. And they know that. A dozen psychiatrists recently got themselves admitted to various mental institutions. It was an experiment. They just said they heard voices and were immediately diagnosed as schizoid. But the inmates were onto them. They looked them over and told them they werent crazy. That they were reporters or something. Then they just walked away.

You would like to belong?

I’m not here as an experiment. I can put any spin on it I like but in the end this is where I am.

I find that a somewhat odd comment.

I’m a somewhat odd girl. Play the tape back. You’ll hear it differently.

How aware are you of the fact that you’re extremely good-looking?

Are you trying to fuck me, Doctor?

No. I’ve never had a relationship with a patient. Anyway, infidelity is a thing of the past for me. Have you had many counselors try to seduce you?

I think seduce might be a somewhat fanciful description of their efforts.

Have any tried to rape you?

Yes. One.

What did you do?

I told him that my brother would come to kill him. That he could count his life in hours.

Is that true? About your brother?

Yes.

Without question.

Without question.

Berkeley. Did reading him extend your skepticism about reality?

I’m not sure I know what that means.

If anything.

If anything. It made me question my understanding of reality, yes. But it also made the philosophical history of inquiry more credible to me. It made epistemology a legitimate discipline. I think it even made me see the fraudulence of the queries it itself had engendered.

Reality is always the subject.

Pretty much.

Is it knowable?

Oh boy.

I’ll take that back. What is it that we dont know that you wish that we did?

You mean aside from the old standards that dont have answers.

Who are we, why are we here, why is there something rather than nothing.

Yes.

Do you want to take a shot at any of those? How about something rather than nothing?

The notion of nothing is an inconceivable notion.