One theory?

Sure.

What else?

Where to begin.

In the beginning.

In the beginning was the word.

But you dont believe that.

One of the things I realized was that the universe had been evolving for countless billions of years in total darkness and total silence and that the way that we imagine it is not the way that it was. In the beginning always was nothing. The novae exploding silently. In total darkness. The stars, the passing comets. Everything at best of alleged being. Black fires. Like the fires of hell. Silence. Nothingness. Night. Black suns herding the planets through a universe where the concept of space was meaningless for want of any end to it. For want of any concept to stand it against. And the question once again of the nature of that reality to which there was no witness. All of this until the first living creature possessed of vision agreed to imprint the universe upon its primitive and trembling sensorium and then to touch it with color and movement and memory. It made of me an overnight solipsist and to some extent I am yet.

How old were you?

Twelve.

You never graduated from high school.

No. I got a scholarship to the University of Chicago and packed my bags and left. I wonder now at how unconcerned I was. My grandmother drove me to the Greyhound bus station in Knoxville. She was crying and after the bus pulled out I realized that she thought she would never see me again.

You look sad saying that.

I am sad saying that.

Did you have any friends in high school?

One or two. Kids that no one else paid any attention to.

Did you want friends?

Yes. I just didnt know how to get them. I thought maybe when I got to college that that would be my window.

Was it?

I made a few friends. But still I wasnt that social. I wasnt that good at it. I didnt like parties and I didnt like being hit on.

Hit on. What, propositioned?

Yes.

Were you interested in boys?

I was interested in one boy. But it wasnt reciprocal.

Why? He wasnt gay.

No. It was a different sort of problem.

He was older.

Everybody was older. That wasnt the issue.

What was the issue?

Something else.

Okay. What became of the familiars when you got to college?

They showed up about two weeks later. They came on the bus.

Do you really believe that they came on the bus?

Do I really believe that they came on the bus.

All right. Have you ever talked to the Kid about these issues?

I have.

I take it without any sort of conclusion.

No.

I suppose there is no conclusion. Do you consider the Kid a friend?

In the end he was about the only friend I had. And then there were none. But the day I realized that if the Kid were not in my life I would miss him came as a shock to me. What are you writing?