Like vitamins? I asked, but Rudy said, Worse than that. Pills that make you easier to deal with. But I outsmarted them, he said, and I said, How did you outsmart them? and he said, I held the pills in my cheeks. You mean like a squirrel, I said. That’s right, he said. I held the pills in my cheeks like a squirrel with his acorns and then when it was safe I flushed them down the toilet. But what if the pills could have helped you? I asked. I am beyond help, said Rudy, and he opened another can, and he said, You’ve got to remember the tricks, you know.

Like a sucker punch? I asked, and Rudy said, No, something wily something original.

I don’t know any tricks like that, I said. Shit, said Rudy, and then he gave me the jewels from around his neck I mean this totally sweet mime face that was smiling and frowning which is how I felt every day. What is this? Is this a trick? I asked. Yes, said Rudy. This is a trick, it’s your bling, it will protect you, said Rudy. How will it protect me? I asked, and Rudy said, It will blow your enemy’s mind, is how. And while they are confounded, you can plan your next attack.

Rudy dropped me off at school the next day with the radio going so loud, the song about the umbrella and we were standing under it ella ella and the other kids looked at me in that toxic loud car, I was covered in jewels with the best music pumping and the chain saws in the back and I thought I saw them bow down.

Sauntering is what you do when you know how bad they all want to be you, so at recess I sauntered and I wasn’t surprised when I saw that acorn kid watching me, hugging the side of the building, pulling his feet in and out of his red rubber boots. He crept from dumpster to fence to wood chips to tire swing until he got up close. And I wasn’t surprised when Bexley cut in front of him and jumped into my face and said, What is up with that necklace? I had been waiting to accept his homage so I said graciously, It’s not a necklace it’s bling, and then the acorn kid said, Actually that pendant represents early Greek drama, and Bexley said, Who asked you, mongrel? and when he said that the acorn kid did this thing. All I can say is that it was highly skilled. It was optimum strategy. He put up a force field around himself which I wished he could tell me how he did it. Bexley couldn’t get to him through the force field, so Bexley turned back to me and said, Where did you get it, faggot? and I said, My friend Rudy gave it to me, and Bexley said, Oh, you mean that fucking hillbilly who gives you a ride to school? That guy is a drunk and a criminal. And from inside his force field the acorn kid said, I think that pendant is actually pretty cool, and I turned on him fast like a Wolfrider. Back off, it’s not a pendant, I said. Well, if it’s not a pendant, what is it? asked the acorn kid like he genuinely wanted to know. It’s a weapon, I said, and he said, A weapon are you sure about that? Then I summoned my elfin powers and I yelled, It’s a weapon, you faggots, and I pointed it first at Bexley and then at the acorn kid, but nothing happened except that Bexley laughed and laughed until he almost fell over, and the acorn kid opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but then he closed it again and he walked away taking his force field with him.