“I’ve skimmed them,” Helen said. She watched me lick my thumb, smooth. “And what you’re doing is certifiably obsessive. Might as well get the kid a nose job.”

“Nobody asked you, Helen,” I said, flipping ElfQuest shut, and handing Perley up to Lily. He glared at Helen, his odd eyebrow slick with my saliva. Sometimes I worried he preferred her. He scowled at her with a single-mindedness that could be adoration. All I could do was scowl back at them. At six o’clock, the ducks warned us that our guests had arrived.

Deirdre and Janice from the Women’s Land Trust came. They brought a guitar and sang rounds at the campfire, to stave off any attempts at conversation. The mill operator came, with her handsome young boyfriend. They brought us a sack of flour as a housewarming present, which Lily received with tears in her eyes. Mike from the gas station came, bringing us a quart of maple syrup from his trees. Frank came, with his wife and their six gap-toothed daughters, all of whom, except for Frank, wore lace-trimmed long skirts and checkered flannel shirts. Rudy came, his orange beard dyed a shade brighter by Cheeto dust, wearing several strands of Mardi Gras beads around his neck, which he gamely distributed to Frank’s children. As a rule he hated all socializing, so he’d prepared for the party by waking up early to drink. He stood near the campfire, swaying along to Deirdre’s rounds until Janice asked him to stand a little farther away. Lily’s manager from the hardware and salvage store came, built like a shagbark hickory yet so persnickety that she sold acne cleanser by the register. She presented us with an economy-size bottle of hand sanitizer. “Happy housewarming,” she said, but Helen wouldn’t take it from her.

“This crap is exactly what’s wrong with the world,” Helen said. “I’d put it in the trash, but there’s no safe way to dispose of it. It’s not fair to sanitation workers.”

“But thanks so much for thinking of us,” said Lily, taking the bottle.

The mill operator kissed her boyfriend with tongue right there in front of everyone. Lily elbowed Helen. “When are you going to date again?” she asked.

“Leave me alone,” Helen said. “Perley needs a maiden aunt.”

I passed around the guacamole, chips, and beer. I caught our guests glancing over at the new house. I braced myself, but they took their time commenting on it. The kids took handfuls of chips down onto the porch and sat around blowing across empty beer bottles. They didn’t ask to go inside. Instead, by way of conversation, Frank told us what he’d heard on what he called the news. Chewing the wrong kind of gum could make all of his children go instantly brain-dead. Then Mike started in on fluoride in the water, and Lily’s manager joined in.