He takes the pills, too, I said. And he’s my best friend. Our motto is not only excellence but it is also loyalty. The same thing’s wrong with Altemonte that’s wrong with me. He misses his parents and he’s looking for the elf world but it’s very hard to find it. He collects acorns.

I don’t know about Altemonte, Mama L said. But I know about you. You are my Velvet Piglet and you don’t have to take that medicine.

Yes, I do, I said.

No, you don’t, she said.

You don’t know, I said.

Yes, I do, she said.

No, you don’t, I said.

Perley, I am your mother and I want you to stop taking that medicine, Mama L said in a new voice that made her sound like Mama K.

But I was equal to it. I said, You’re not in charge. You don’t know anything. And then I said, You’re a fucking moron and not only that but you’re a hypocrite, too.

And Mama L sucked in so sharp I thought that I had accidentally shot and killed her which was totally not what I meant to do, I just meant to tell her that she didn’t even know about the spy and the squirrel and the toilet and the cloudy water glass and about Grandma Barlow talking so much and praying and Altemonte crying and saying sorry and how amazing his snot was. Mama L was telling me what to do like it was all so easy but actually it wasn’t easy at all. She wouldn’t even give me a chance to tell her about the snake ritual because she was so busy thinking she knew everything. But actually it was me who knew everything.

The Outside Girl basically ran as fast as she could over to us. I didn’t think she was pretty anymore. I didn’t think she smelled good. Now when she talked to me I wanted to tell her, You and the pancake counselor should get married and have a big wedding and you should invite me but guess what I won’t come, I’ll burn the invitation. But I knew it would be rude to say that so instead I pretty much didn’t talk to her.

She stopped the swing from swinging by putting her glove on the rusted chain.

Switch swings, she said.

Why? asked Mama L.

This one is too noisy, she said. I’m supposed to be observing you, but I can’t hear what you’re saying to each other and Perley seems upset.

I’m not upset, I said, which was actually a lie but it was the kind of lie I was totally okay with because in another way I was telling the truth, and the truth was, Leave us alone.