Sauntering is what you do when you know how bad they all want to be you, so at recess I sauntered and I wasn’t surprised when I saw that acorn kid watching me, hugging the side of the building, pulling his feet in and out of his red rubber boots. He crept from dumpster to fence to wood chips to tire swing until he got up close. And I wasn’t surprised when Bexley cut in front of him and jumped into my face and said, What is up with that necklace? I had been waiting to accept his homage so I said graciously, It’s not a necklace it’s bling, and then the acorn kid said, Actually that pendant represents early Greek drama, and Bexley said, Who asked you, mongrel? and when he said that the acorn kid did this thing. All I can say is that it was highly skilled. It was optimum strategy. He put up a force field around himself which I wished he could tell me how he did it. Bexley couldn’t get to him through the force field, so Bexley turned back to me and said, Where did you get it, faggot? and I said, My friend Rudy gave it to me, and Bexley said, Oh, you mean that fucking hillbilly who gives you a ride to school? That guy is a drunk and a criminal. And from inside his force field the acorn kid said, I think that pendant is actually pretty cool, and I turned on him fast like a Wolfrider. Back off, it’s not a pendant, I said. Well, if it’s not a pendant, what is it? asked the acorn kid like he genuinely wanted to know. It’s a weapon, I said, and he said, A weapon are you sure about that? Then I summoned my elfin powers and I yelled, It’s a weapon, you faggots, and I pointed it first at Bexley and then at the acorn kid, but nothing happened except that Bexley laughed and laughed until he almost fell over, and the acorn kid opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but then he closed it again and he walked away taking his force field with him.

Excellence is my motto, so when Rudy picked me up that day, I gave him back the pendant. Did it work? he said. Oh yes, I said. Yes, it was excellent. I told you, he said. He said, Then while they’re dazzled you can use your sucker punch wham bam who’s the fool now, but I told him I didn’t want to practice my sucker punch that day I actually just wanted to go home and he said, Fine, but I have to get my hours because he was doing community service and his community service was me.