She threw me, I said. Out, I said. She threw my knapsack. She hurt my arm.

Does it still hurt? asked Mama L.

No, I said.

She loves you and she didn’t know what to do, Mama L said. She was scared. But I don’t want you to be scared.

I’m not scared, I said. That’s not it. The way I feel is another way.

What way? she said. Tell me, Piglet.

I almost told her about the death portal the hole the blank universe but I didn’t want to scare her so instead I just said, I feel like a picture out of focus, like there’s one me and two mes and three mes and I can’t move the way I want to. Like I don’t know how I feel until after I felt it. I don’t want to eat my food even though I’m allowed to eat all the pancakes I want.

I saw that I’d scared her anyway.

You should stop taking those pills, Mama L said.

I kind of knew what she meant, I wasn’t a fucking moron. I kind of knew or else why would I have tried flushing the pills down the toilet, I kind of knew but there were one me two mes three mes, and at least one me got mad at Mama L for telling me what to do. Mama L telling me to stop taking the pills was actually a supremely easy thing for her to tell me.

I said, The pills make me super-smart.

She said, You were already super-smart.

I said, The pills make me so I can do my Specials.

She said, I don’t care if you can do your Specials.

I said, That’s why they took me away. You have to care about stuff like that.

She said, That’s not why they took you away.

What about Altemonte? I asked.

What about Altemonte? she asked.

He takes the pills, too, I said. And he’s my best friend. Our motto is not only excellence but it is also loyalty. The same thing’s wrong with Altemonte that’s wrong with me. He misses his parents and he’s looking for the elf world but it’s very hard to find it. He collects acorns.

I don’t know about Altemonte, Mama L said. But I know about you. You are my Velvet Piglet and you don’t have to take that medicine.

Yes, I do, I said.

No, you don’t, she said.

You don’t know, I said.

Yes, I do, she said.

No, you don’t, I said.

Perley, I am your mother and I want you to stop taking that medicine, Mama L said in a new voice that made her sound like Mama K.

But I was equal to it. I said, You’re not in charge. You don’t know anything. And then I said, You’re a fucking moron and not only that but you’re a hypocrite, too.