Neer: Not the right time for this dumb phrase. Come on! Give me something to think about when I think of you tonight.

Me: Oh! You’ve already started thinking of me?

Neer: Yes! I have. I can’t help it.

Me: Wait until our next chat to know my weirdest fantasy! Byee!

After this, I don’t receive any messages from Neer. He could’ve at least said bye before logging off. Men don’t know how to be subtle. They’re pretty direct most of the times, sometimes at the cost of being civil.

For the next hour or so, I keep checking my phone like an idiot before I finally decide to just keep it aside, lest it take away my sanity. Even though I don’t want to think about things too far ahead in the future, I end up wondering if dating this guy would mean relocating to India at some point. But then moving back is completely off the cards. I don’t even wish to travel back temporarily, let alone settle down in India. So, would anything even work out between us? Should I even be chatting with Neer? Is this even worth the effort? I’ve always been very clear that I don’t wish to go back to the shithole called home. There is nothing back there for me. The only thing I had back there, the only person I could ever call home is lost.

I pull up the blanket over me and decide to finally call it a day. I can’t believe that Neer broke up with his girlfriend so quickly. I’m just a stranger after all, how could he take my advice so seriously? How could he be this gullible? He’s really like Nirvaan.

One thought leads to another, and eventually, my mind is flooded with memories of my first break-up. What if Neer was actually right? Should I have told Nirvaan about my family problems? Did my not communicating honestly come in the way of our relationship?

People say that in the hours before your death, you see all your significant memories flash by in front of your eyes. All the important moments and all the important people make an appearance. For me, something of this sort happens on nights when I hit the bed with a troubled mind, but I can only see the days I spent with Nirvaan, nothing else. Tonight, I can’t help but think of that fateful night when I finally made up my mind to leave India forever.