The final fragments of my dream void. “What?” I choke.

“Did she rob a bank? That’s what Hazel told me. Or maybe…” She pauses, making sure I’m listening. “Maybe… she murdered someone.” Zoe claps her hands together, clearly thrilled with the possibility of the latter. Audrey is looking at me with wide, terrified eyes. I’ve literally never seen eyes as big as on these girls. They’re like anime characters.

Also, I am not explaining that the reason my mother went to jail was for possession with intent to sell. Absolutely not. I take a deep breath. “She didn’t murder anyone. But she did make a mistake. Actually… a lot of mistakes.” Dozens of them? Hundreds of them? That’s honestly a more accurate depiction. I’m not even completely sure what the last straw charge was, although I do know the judge tried to give her more chances because of me. “But it was a long time ago. She’s not in jail anymore.”

After I entered foster care, my mom and I had regular visits for years until her drug use got in the way, and then it was phone calls only, but even that became more and more sporadic until one day, they stopped completely. Since then, any information about her has been spotty. I know that about a year ago, she was in a rehab program, but after that she went dark, and my foster care workers told me they’d lost contact with her, which probably means she’s using again.

Zoe nods knowingly. “Because of the bad drugs? Mom said sometimes you get… addictionized, and then you can’t worry about anything else, even sometimes your kiddos.”

Audrey looks at me mournfully, and stars explode behind my eyes. I do not deserve this. No one does.

I look up at the ceiling, where someone has affixed glow-in-the-dark stars, definitely for my benefit. Besides the confetti, they’re the only stars I’ve managed to see since I arrived, a fact that makes me antsy. I typically rely on the stars to anchor myself. Without them, I’m even less grounded than usual. “If you want to know more, you can ask your mom and dad and they can tell you.”

Zoe’s face falls in disappointment. “No, they won’t. I already asked, and they said we’d talk about it later. And don’t tell them I asked you because they told me I’d be in big trouble if I did. Big. Also, Saturday cinnamon rolls are ready. Dad says you should come downstairs.”

Audrey nods solemnly. “Um. You can eat cimmum rolls?”

“Let’s go.” Zoe grabs her hand and they leave, Audrey casting one last furtive glance at me. “He isn’t going to tell us anything anyway.”

The second they close the door, I fall backward and stare up at the ceiling. This has easily been the longest few days of my entire life.