“Sorry about them,” Willow says, not quite meeting my eye. “They were very excited about, ah, this,” she says, making a sort of sweeping gesture with her hand. She meets my eye for a split second, then looks away again. “And they had this whole plan. Dress included. I guess they had it made when they were teenagers, and they used to fight over who got to wear it. I couldn’t talk them out of it.”

“I’m glad,” I say, which is possibly the greatest understatement of all time. “You look…” Finally the word comes to me. “Stunning.”

Her shoulders relax. But she’s still way too far away. She moves backward onto the steps, putting us at eye level, which makes me think of the ladder kiss. But I can’t think about that now. Not when I have so much to say.

Just start.

“I owe you an apology,” I say, pressing my words into the darkness.

“Did you know you were leaving? Last night?” Her eyebrows go up slightly, almost like a dare, and my throat goes dry.

“No! Of course not.” Her face is wary. Which is fair. “After we did the spell… I went home and an e-mail with my mom’s address was waiting for me. The spell worked, I guess.” My words are tumbling out now. “I thought I had to find my mom. I’d been looking for her for so long, and I thought she needed me. But I was wrong. When I found my mom…” The pain rises up again, fresh and searing. Willow’s eyes are softening and I look away. If I’m going to get through this, I need to stay focused. “She’s still an addict, and she can’t…” I hesitate. This is the most opening up I’ve ever done to anyone. Maybe one day I’ll tell her all the details, but not today. “She can’t take care of me. I called Emma. I waited for her in a park, and she came and found me.”

Willow’s eyes are steady on mine, and I pause, collecting myself. “Emma asked me tonight. If I want to stay. Permanently.” It feels like I’m talking about something made-up. Can permanent even exist for me?

She leans forward slightly. “Like they’d adopt you?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure yet. I’m going to give that some time. But either way, I want to stay with the Morgans. They’re the kind of people who will stick with you, you know? I thought I’d try the whole family thing out. Also…” This is the hard part. “I want… this.”

What I’m trying to say is I want you, but that feels too big and my mouth can’t form the words. Why is asking for you what you want so difficult?

She nods, her face serious. “I was really worried. Really, really worried. We all were.”