My voice is low and unsure. “I didn’t tell you because...honestly, it kinda freaked me out. I didn’t want to be involved.”

His eyes are incredulous. “You taking her money, that’s not you getting involved?”

That draws me up short. I flinch. Look away.

He didn’t let me finish. I was talking about overhearing them. Which is true. It did freak me out. And I wasn’t sure if I’d heard correctly. Not until Taylor showed up at that restaurant the next morning instead of Simon. And then I didn’t know how Nate would react, if he’d even believe me. I really wasn’t going to get involved, but then I got shoved into a corner with that notice from FIT.

“It’s not like I asked for any of this.” I pause, keep my voice soft. “She started all this, not me.”

Nate doesn’t say anything, just finishes off his water, then raises a finger for the check when our waiter saunters by.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” I ask in a hushed but urgent tone.

I shouldn’t have, because his voice remains casual and unbothered. “I’m not. Let’s just head back.”

And then I know he’s lying for sure. He’s mad, maybe more than that, he just doesn’t want to admit it, and I don’t know why. I never hold my tongue when I’m mad. I’m verbose and loud and frantic, and he is like a dejected puppy, which makes me want to get even more verbose and loud and frantic.

I watch his Amex go down onto the table, then glance up to his face. His eyes are distant, a mile away. Not sure if we’re even still in the same dimension.

I remember the first night we spent together, the first time I realized I had feelings for him. It all happened so fast, faster than I’d ever imagined it would, but there they were. Genuine feelings. It scared the shit out of me. I think that’s what I remember most: how truly terrified I was. I’d never been in a relationship before. I’d never met anyone who seemed worth letting my guard down for. I tried to ignore them at first. Those silly, heady, psychedelic feelings. I thought if I pretended they didn’t exist, they’d go away and find someone else to torture. But Nate had been so eager to prove himself to me, prove that he was different, that I could trust him.

I never want him to feel that way about me. Uncertain. Unsure. It pains me to think that I’ve severed his trust, even if it’s just a little.

Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I should have never taken that money from Taylor. I was just trying to avoid a fight, but look where that got me.