BooksBarbecue
Back Someone Had to Do It
Chapters (39)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. About the Authors
  5. PROLOGUE
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. 26
  32. 27
  33. 28
  34. 29
  35. 30
  36. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  37. THE STORY BEHIND SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT
  38. SOMEONE HAD TO DO IT: THE PLAYLIST
  39. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

My heart is beating so fast I can feel it hammering against my chest. I know he thinks I’m lying. I know he thinks I slept with a bunch of random guys behind his back and that I never loved him and that everything I’m saying is bullshit. But it’s not. It’s the truth. I didn’t sleep around with a bunch of guys. It was just one guy. One stupid mistake. I can admit that now. I don’t even know why I did it. It’s not like the guy was really hot or an amazing fuck or something; he was neither. It was my own shit, my own...issues.

I remember when it happened, that first time, so clearly. I don’t even remember how it escalated. I just remember we started texting as soon as we exchanged numbers. And soon he invited me to this party and I went, and we ended up in someone’s parents’ bedroom and I was way too drunk and Nate was on my mind. I wanted to make him jealous. Not a little jealous. Angry jealous. No one wants what no one wants. I think I wanted Nate to want me so bad that he’d do anything to have me—the same way I wanted him. I needed to see him fight for me. Prove to me that he loved me. He’d never said the words. Not really. The most I’d get was a me too and you know how I feel about you, but never a simple, straightforward, I love you. I wanted that. I craved that.

I still do. Everybody does. It’s normal. Human.

So I fucked him, that other guy, and it didn’t mean anything. Not the first time, not the second or the third or the fifth. What we had was minor and temporary. I didn’t care about him. There were no stakes, nothing to lose. With Nate, I had everything to lose. And I did. I lost everything.

It was dumb, it makes no sense to me now, but I was trying to scare him into telling me he loved me—because I was scared. I didn’t want to be alone in love; I couldn’t stand the thought. I needed to know. I didn’t do it because I didn’t love him. I’ve always loved him. That’s the most important thing. I need Nate to know that. So we can move past this. So we can start over.

I reach out to touch his hand.

He snatches it away, his eyes straight ahead, then heads off without another word to me.

I let him go.

It’s okay. I need to give him his space. He’s probably in shock. He just needs a little time. He’ll come around, I know it, I can feel it, and then he’ll realize how much I fucking love him.

22

BRANDI