“Would you listen? I didn’t help Taylor do anything. The only feelings I have for her is relief that I broke up with her when I did. And I don’t know where you’re getting your intel, but nobody fucked anybody.” Now he sounds angry.

It only fuels me more. “Then why is she in Ohio with you, answering your phone, you asshole?”

His voice drops. “Brandi. Look, I...” He fumbles for the words but can’t seem to find them. “I don’t know why she was...I didn’t—”

I hang up and toss my phone onto the bed, my chest heaving. The tears come fast and all at once. I can’t help it. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what’s real anymore. And my head. It’s starting to throb again.

My phone vibrates again. I almost hurl it against the wall, but I stop myself, hand still shaking and turn it off instead. Deep breaths. I force myself to take several deep breaths. I have to calm down, keep it together. I’m better than this. Stronger than this. I have to be.

I need to figure this out. Start from the beginning and work my way through.

Just as I’m starting to collect my thoughts, a knock arrives on my door, the pounding hard enough to shake the entire room. It’s the bald man from the front desk saying I need to get out or pay for another night. I don’t have enough money to spend another night here. I shout out to him, tell him I’ll be out in ten minutes, and start collecting my things.

I head outside and this time I don’t take Uber. I don’t want Nate to know where I’m going, to be able to track me in any way. I stop into the corner store to break the ten and get enough quarters for the bus, then buy a one-way MetroCard once I’m back in the city. I transfer to the R train and of course there has been an accident on the line so we are stalled for over an hour. I get off and walk the couple blocks to Nate’s apartment.