I fight my way past the huddle of reporters who have been on my heels for three blocks now. Yelling and shouting questions at me, demanding to know things about that asshole, if I knew about the affair, when the funeral will be, and I remind myself to be impassive. I can’t smile or I’m guilty. I can’t cry or I’m faking it.

I push into the Equinox on the corner, the one Nate has been going to for years, and walk straight past reception into the weightlifting area, passing by a girl taking mirror selfies of her latest surgical enhancements that she’ll accredit to squats, a group of guys trying to out-lift each other. No one says anything to me, but heads turn. People whisper, thinking they’re being discreet, but they’re not. I keep my head down, looking for Nate.

I’m about to give up when I hear hard metal slam behind me. I turn around and see Nate, standing up from the bench press. He’s wearing gray sweatpants and a muscle tee, the sides cut low enough for me to see the edges of what’s underneath, those dimples in his rib cage, the planes of lean muscles. Sweat clings to his arms, his neck, dripping down his face like salty-sweet rain. He reaches for his water bottle and throws his head back, taking a few gulps.

I close the distance between us and stand right behind him, breathing in his raw scent. He’s still unaware of me, completely in the zone. Just as I start to reach out to touch him, he feels my presence and whips around. He goes still at my smile and swallows hard.

His dark eyes flick over my face as he snatches the AirPods out of his ears. “What are you doing here?” He glares at me, so severely that if I didn’t know him, I’d probably back away.

“Was hoping I’d find you here,” I say, keeping my voice as light as I can, which is hard considering the circumstances. Also, it’s just generally hard to act aloof around a guy whose testicles have been in my mouth. “Just wanted to check in. You know, see how you’re handling all of this. I saw the news—”

“Why do you care?” He drags a forearm across his brow, dampness against dampness like it used to be when we fucked, then lifts the bottom of his shirt to wipe away more sweat from his forehead. Slim hips peek from above the low waist of his pants, that perfect V.

I move my eyes, fingers twitching at my side. “Look, I lost my father. But I know this all must be hard for you too. Realizing your girlfriend did something so horrific—” My head shakes.

Nate’s jaw tightens, but he says nothing.