i’m always hoping you might

come back around to me.

this house is no home

without your touch.

it’s just four bare walls,

which have seen too much,

yet felt so little.

he was in love

with my idea,

not me.

i could see it

in his eyes.

they never

lied to me.

they always

told the truth,

unlike him.

i miss you,

but i’m not sure how to tell you.

so i’ll sit with my thoughts,

and the stinging void

you have given me,

trying to compose

the words to help

articulate how nothing

feels the same without you.

sometimes i wish you’d come back,

but i cannot keep holding

on to something so far gone.

he only left a

few months ago,

but he’s been

gone for years.

- absent

i’m exhausted

from not being

seen by the

eyes i’ve fallen

in love with.

- overlooked

i’ve packed up your things,

especially your memories,

and left them out

by the front door.

don’t bother knocking,

i’ve changed the locks,

and hidden the spare key.

how does it feel standing

behind shut doors?

i’ve been doing so for months.

i’ve finally decided to move on.

let go.

and i think it’s time

you do so as well.

maybe love and i weren’t made for one another.

i’ve spent too much of my

precious time and energy on men

who didn’t deserve my love.

draining this massive heart,

which fragilely sits

within the thin cage of my bruised ribs.

i apologize in advance

to the man who comes next,

because i’m not sure what i have to give.

all of my warmth has been scattered in the ones
who i was trying to create into him.

i hope i can find it within

myself to love him as he deserves.

i don’t feel like myself anymore.

truthfully i haven’t for quite some time,

but i do know,

i was different once.

i can feel myself drifting apart,

sneaking away.

diluting myself

to please their taste buds.

i’m fading.

thinning.

disappearing.

i’ve become rough,

ridged,

around the edges;

please don’t come too close.

you don’t want to see what is inside.

i’m not sure when this all began,

it all feels like a blur from

this viewpoint.

the nostalgia for my prior

days has taken over.

i can’t remember what it

feels like to be wild,

or recklessly free.

i once was courageously and

unapologetically myself.

one thing i do know though is,

i was once better than this.

i am still longing

for you.

i am homesick

for your touch.

- lost

but none of these

paths lead back

to you.

- dead ends

my love is

exhausted.

my heart is

worn down.

i received the bad

end of this bargain,

while you were handed

the easy way out.

unharmed and unmarked.

restful nights,

you fall asleep the

instant your head touches

your cigarette scented pillow.

tossing and turning,

i can’t get you out of my mind.

i am sleepless at the