of remarkable memories.

our lives spelled out with

the mess of worn clothes,

and cluttered belongings.

it all looks perfect from the outside,

but we tiptoe around each other lately,

guests in our own home.

ghosts too afraid of being seen,

noticed.

we stick to our own sides of the bed now,

not crossing borders without permission,

clearance.

every night,

you whisper

i love you,

and i can’t help but think

this is out of habit,

not sincerity.

and all I ever needed was for you to fight for me.

i wouldn’t

call what we

had love.

i would call

it madness.

- i would call it chaos

she’s changed.

you can see it in her eyes,

feel it in her touch,

hear it in her tone.

she’s not the same.

and she’s never coming back.

- because you’ve lost her

i guess i’m the only

one left with the blame.

you warned me of

your destructive manner,

but i was too stubborn

to get out of your way.

you’re nothing but arbitrary

words on these crumbled pages.

a faint lingering memory,

one that never completely fades.

dissipates.

stagnant water under

a neglected bridge.

disremembered photographs in

a run-down shoebox.

a slight discomfort in the

cavity of my lungs.

one day,

i’ll be able to walk out to

the ledge and not be afraid to swim,

and not fear the possibility of

suffocating your wake.

but for now,

i’ll hold on to the little pieces

of yourself you left behind.

because this is the only

thing getting me through.

your lies were comforting.

they sounded like

a melody i’ve heard

hundreds of times before.

they tucked me into bed,

kissed my forehead,

rocked me throughout

the night.

they created my

favorite lullaby.

naively i wanted to

know your truth,

but it seems

some deceits are better

left misunderstood.

it’s 3:37 a.m.,

silence is all

i hear from you.

it’s so loud in here.

i need to get

some sleep.

you didn’t even

realize i was there

until i was absent.so detached.

distant.

overlooking the thing

standing in front of you,

you were too

focused on the past.

you didn’t have

eyes for the future.

i cannot keep praying

you will come back home to me.

my hands are getting tired,

grasping on to this thread

you’ve kept me

reeled on.

i’ve never been so

afraid of heights,

standing out on this edge,

scared of what lies ahead.

you promised to catch me,

but you’re nowhere to be found.

maybe it’s time for me to let go,

and hope my wings have

grown strong enough to help me fly.

i will not blame you

for taking advantage

of all the chances

i handed you.

just as i will not blame

myself for being

so reckless with

my fragile heart.

let’s call it even.

i have unintentionally

convinced myself

i am not worthy of
compassion.

- death sentence

my biggest regret

in life is convincing

myself you would be

the end of me.

- but you were not