I don’t bother trying to sleep. Instead, I gather my warmest clothes, write a note to my grandmother explaining—I have to help out Jaxon, don’t worry, I’ll call later—and tiptoe downstairs to raid the cupboards for snacks. I even throw a first-aid kit that I found in the pantry into my bag. By the time Jaxon comes down, I’m ready.

‘I’ll grab the other snowshoes,’ I whisper. ‘For me.’

He rubs his eyes, clearly too distraught to argue about me coming along.

The sky is coal black as we use sticks to push off the snow that almost buried the car overnight. We work silently, our breath billowing smoke like dragons, not wanting to wake the neighbourhood dogs and cause my grandparents to stir. With the engine barely warm, Jaxon backs out of the driveway slowly, headlights off. Stealthy. There’s no music or singing as we head towards the wilderness. With the heat on full blast his father’s car smells horrible, and I make space for my feet among the mountain of beer cans, chip packets and empty packs of cigarettes. We pass the now-familiar signs—Target, Walgreens, Carl’s Jr., Subway and Taco Bell—but lit up in the dark they look spooky. The beauty of the landscape is lost, all romance gone. Half of me hopes we don’t find Adam; I don’t want to see him hunting.

Why does everything suck so badly right now? Jaxon got a father who’s a drunk. My father may be Jaxon’s saviour, but he’s hardly who I hoped for. If my mum were here … I just want to see her, hug her. Why was she taken from me when I still need her?

I rest my head on the dirty, cold glass and feel myself deflate, like my spirit’s tired. It’s the same feeling I had after Mum died and before I trusted Paula with my feelings. Alone.

‘Sky?’ Jaxon breaks the silence. ‘Let’s play a game. Gotta keep my mind alert, it’s so dark and I’m really tired. How about truth and lies? Know that one?’

‘You mean truth or dare?’

‘Yeah, because that’d be smart. We’re out in the middle of the woods, in winter. What am I going to dare you to do? Dig an ice hole?’

‘Ha ha.’

‘Truth and lies. We each have to say four things about ourselves, something the other person wouldn’t know. And one of those things is a lie. But don’t make it all melodramatic and suspicious sounding. Something small, but just not true.’

‘Okay.’ My mind starts racing as we come to a halt at a stop sign. ‘But you go first.’