A big exhale deflates the moose’s body. He seems to shrink on the spot.

‘See?’ I whisper, half crying. ‘His spirit is gone. Now there’s just a body. This is why it’s wrong. You killed somebody, not something.’

We sit together, quietly, watching. I wonder if the moose’s life flashed before his eyes in that final moment, or if he, if any animal, had thoughts about an afterlife. We would never know.

‘Let’s say a prayer,’ my father says, surprising me. He puts his hands on the animal’s body and I do the same. He whispers something, and at the end I join him with Amen.

‘I’m sorry, Sky, really, I’m sorry.’ He puts his hand back on mine.

But I pull mine away and stand up, brushing the snow from my pants. This time, I don’t know if I can accept it.

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

My forehead rests against the cold car window as the hot air slowly heats the icebox. The truck driver Ted’s, Melody’s and Autumn’s words bang around my brain like clothes in a dryer.

If there’s anything I learnt, it’s that people aren’t perfect, I hear Ted say.

There’s no perfect parent, Autumn said.

We are all flawed, Melody told me.

I touch the dry blood on my pants. Hunting is against everything I believe in. Everything. And once you’re dead, there’s no returning. Life is over, forever. And what about your family? Those left behind. Like me without Mum or the moose’s calf calling for her dad tonight in the woods. She’ll soon realise he’ll never answer. I don’t care if I’m mixing animals with humans, anthropomorphising as they say, but losing Mum is making this loss too real, unbearable. And I know animals have super-complex social structures, I’ve watched enough National Geographic documentaries—it’s a fact.

Outside, it’s snowing again. I’m sitting in the car with my father while Jaxon follows in his dad’s car. Before we left, he filled Adam in on what’s happened with his dad, the truth this time. Adam promised he’ll get Doug out of prison first thing tomorrow—not exactly berating Jaxon, but he did say we could have waited twelve hours longer to let him finish his job; Doug wasn’t going anywhere and it isn’t the worst idea for him to spend a night there and think about what he’s done.

‘What will happen to the moose?’ I ask my father after he’s called to tell Miriam all’s well. She wasn’t happy I lied but wasn’t worried either; it’s only 9am and she hadn’t found my note yet and didn’t even know we had gone. ‘Will he be eaten by a bear or something? No, they’re hibernating, aren’t they?’