My face is red and I splash water on it. I stare into my eyes, blinking. I have no idea what to say to them, what to feel.

That’s not true. I know exactly how I feel. Terrible.

What should I do? I take a breath and sit down on the toilet seat. I see the scene in Bambi where he and his mother are running from the hunter. There’s a gunshot. Bambi calls his mum, thinking they made it, they’re safe, but she’s gone.

But that’s childish. This is the real world, not a kid’s movie. Life doesn’t have happy endings; I’ve learnt that too many times recently. A happy ending would have Mum beating cancer. A happy ending would be my father fulfilling the fantasy I imagined. A happy ending would not be this. But fantasy and reality are oil and water. Fifty grand. I bite my nails. I can’t let my father piss off Mike, lose more of his respect, and give up so much money just because I don’t agree with his job. Isn’t that immature? And wouldn’t he just end up resenting me?

I walk slowly back downstairs, and all conversation stops. Everyone watches me. I can’t meet my father’s eyes.

‘Sky,’ he says, ‘it’s okay, really, I don’t have to go. Your feelings are more important.’

I take a breath and look at him directly. ‘Adam, it’s your work, and a lot of money. I’ve thought about it and … you should go. I’ll survive.’

The irony.

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

My father, grandparents, Jaxon and I pack into the car and head to town for lunch, and afterwards wander around the shops. We walk past the fur store and I pray my grandmother won’t go in. That would be the straw that broke the camel’s back—no, the icing on a cake that’s so gross, I’d have to throw the cake away.

We go into a large store and I find souvenir oven mitts and tea towels, and an apron for Paula in a retro design even my grandmother thinks is cute. Paula and I have been sending voicemails back and forth ever since the ‘incident’ as she calls it, and I am really missing her. A Love Alaska penknife seems a perfect match for Dave as he’s always got ropes to cut (must remember to put it in my big bag so it doesn’t get confiscated). I see a crotcheted scarf Melody would go crazy over, and even if she can be super selfish and I still have moments of feeling angry at her, she did have my back at the festival. Months after I needed her, but she was there in the end. And I haven’t actually thanked her for flying across the world with me.