Something about being in the middle of nowhere, the crinkle of sleeping-bags, fire and snow all mixed together, the near blackness and my father snoring peacefully beside us … it makes me feel brave. Jaxon’s the first person I’ve met who’s also lost a mother. He understands.

‘Love me like she did,’ I finish, feeling my lip quivering and eyes filling. ‘And now she’s gone. My whole life, the entire universe, up in flames. It’s like I’m a different person.’

I feel a tear run down my cheek, and I’m glad for the darkness so he can’t see.

A few minutes pass; maybe he’s fallen asleep. My mind is wide awake but really, I’m beyond tired.

There’s a movement from Jaxon’s sleeping-bag. ‘How is it meeting your father for the first time?’

I stop to listen—yes, Adam’s still snoring. ‘Scary.’

I want to say, It would have been better if you weren’t here. But I’m not sure if that’s true. Instead I add, ‘It’s weird we haven’t had a proper conversation yet—I barely know anything about him.’

‘He’s probably just nervous,’ Jaxon says. ‘He was real worried before you came, about impressing you and everything. He was worried about … well … he didn’t want to …’

‘Want to what?’

‘It’s nothing. He didn’t want to not have the right food for you.’

‘Food? Oh. Well, he’s done a pretty good job so far. Those chocolate bananas were out of this world.’

Jaxon and I talk music for a while longer. Our heads are almost touching as we share his earbuds and listen to another playlist.

The closeness feels brotherly, not flirty. Big relief. I don’t want to betray Oliver. And there’s no tingle around Jaxon, shaggy hair and sparkly eyes or not. With Oliver, I get shocks of electricity just by accidentally brushing against his knee. And often when we kiss my legs go seriously wobbly, which I thought only happened in the movies.

Tomorrow I’ll bring up Oliver in conversation and find out if Jaxon has a girlfriend. I wouldn’t mind one bit if he did. If we lived in the same country, we could even double date.

‘I have that band competition next week—you should come along,’ he murmurs.

Jaxon gets what I’ve been through and I feel relaxed around him. It’s weird how I’m talking to someone from a totally different world to mine, with a different accent, and music can make it easier.

‘For sure,’ I whisper back.

I must nod off after this because I wake to someone nudging me. My father.

‘Come outside,’ he says.

I look around the tent. Is it morning already? It feels like I’ve just closed my eyes.

I pull on my boots and follow him and Jaxon out of the tent, wrapping myself in my snow jacket.