He squeezes my hand. ‘I’m sorry you know about that. I regretted it terribly then because she was Eli’s friend and it wasn’t cool, not respectful. I didn’t know your mum was pregnant when it happened, no one did, not even her. But that’s not an excuse. Anyway, I give you my word, it will never happen again.’

I take a moment to let his words absorb. There’s more I need to know, to understand, about where he’s coming from. I take a breath. ‘Do you think you’ll ever stop hunting or is it something you’re really passionate about?’

‘I don’t know.’ He plays with the side of his beard that’s left. ‘I’ve never hung a head or made a bear into a rug. Never understood that. The people I guide from the lower forty-eight states mostly do want the trophies, and it’s probably the biggest reason, if I think about it, why my clients hunt. I admit, I’ve profited from that cowboy culture.’ He sighs, looking out the frosted window. ‘How about you, you don’t think there are any circumstances in which hunting would be okay?’

I think of Jane Goodall. What would she say? I don’t know. This time, it’s up to me. ‘If I were living in the Alaskan forest a hundred years ago, I would need to eat something and wouldn’t have a choice. But … we don’t really live that way anymore, do we?’

He waits for me to continue.

‘I mean, we don’t have to eat meat these days. There are supermarkets and small stores full of food, like beans and tofu and almond butter and stuff, which give us all the vitamins we need without meat.’

‘What about a remote village in Africa?’ he asks.

‘Okay, not everywhere, but in the places there are, why do we have to kill animals? If we have a choice, why can’t we live peacefully and not cause them pain?’

‘Most people don’t see it that way—there’s a food chain with us humans on top.’

‘I guess.’ I’m really trying to understand things from his point of view.

‘And living off the land is still a lifestyle important to many,’ he continues. ‘Good people who want a connection with nature. That’s what drew me in and, after Steph left, kept me going … Camping, hunting, guiding, they changed my life for the better. Gave me a feeling of confidence, of finally knowing my place in the world.’

‘I get that, it’s awesome being out in nature. What I don’t get—have a hard time with—’ I correct myself, ‘is why people think animals don’t have as much right to live as we do. Why do we, humans, get to make all the decisions about who lives and who dies?’