As soon as the words had come out, I wished I could suck them back inside. Want what I had? What I had was a marriage stuck together with bandaids of guilt and grief and red wine.

Now I hoped that this man was putting my sister first for once: caring for Phoebe while she was in hospital and helping her cope with her fears about her missing niece.

Imogen asked if there was anything she could do—some housework, make some meals?

‘When Mel was here yesterday, she cooked up a storm.’ I swept my hand towards the fridge. ‘Just look in there—enough to feed us for weeks.’

If we ever felt like eating.

‘That was nice of her,’ Imogen said. ‘And you know it will all be healthy!’

Imogen was trying to make me smile, bringing up the banter from playgroup. Mel—the superfood cook, never a preservative in sight. My cooking sat somewhere between Mel’s high standards and Tara’s quick packet options. But there were some things that I would never, ever feed to Bella—soft drink, chips, Cheezels and Twisties, hot dogs, sugary breakfast cereals. And she’d never been to McDonald’s or KFC. I was trying my hardest to be a good mum.

‘Who’s looking after the twins?’ I realised that Imogen hadn’t mentioned them all morning.

‘One of the grandmothers from church offered to help out. She came over early this morning before I was even dressed.’ Imogen filled the kettle again. ‘I’m not sure how she’ll manage. You know what the twins are like!’

Imogen busied herself with the cups and the teabags. She poured me another tea without asking if I wanted one.

‘I really appreciate your support,’ I said, resting my hand on hers. ‘Yours, Mel’s, Tara’s.’

So many people were helping out in some way: Lucas, Tara’s husband, that grandmother from church, some local teachers, the Playgroup Society and playgroup mums from different days.

But not Julia. I hadn’t seen her this morning at playgroup. And unlike the others, her husband hadn’t searched last night. Julia was our organiser, the one in charge, the one who should be held responsible. Where was she?

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