“Alternately,” Claire said, “We can just go to Moonie’s way more than we have been, and wait to run into her. And ask her what the hell she was thinking.”

I groaned. I hadn’t even contemplated the possibility of running into Lily at Moonie’s again one day. Why hadn’t I thought about that? I truly was an idiot.

“My body feels like it’s been hit by a truck,” I countered. “You know our old asses can only handle Moonie’s once every like, three months.”

Claire pouted. “But I miss it. And I want to meet Lily.”

I reached out and took her hand. “I’ll think about it. And keep you updated. For now, can we talk about something else? Please?”

She squeezed my fingers. And then, because she was my best friend, she leaned back and said, “Sure.”

And we did. And they made me laugh for a while, and I started to feel almost human. I was almost about to ask if they wanted to binge watch K-dramas or something, like we used to. And then Harry, who had been sleeping against Kort’s chest this entire time except for a brief episode where he woke up and sucked on Claire’s boob for a bit, woke up again, for real this time. Loud and mad at the world, and honestly, I could relate.

Claire grimaced.

“We should probably head out.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said quickly. Totally fine. I got it.

“But we’ll hang out again soon?” she asked hopefully, and I could see in her face, that she knew I was disappointed. Or maybe she was disappointed. But this was what happened, when your friends all grew up better than you.

“Definitely.” I actually lifted my body off the couch. It hurt. “Let me get a Harry hug before you go.”

Kort handed him over, and he screamed in my face as I held him up, his little mouth so pink, his eyes so full of fury. I laughed and squeezed him to my chest anyway. He kicked me in the gut.

I knew I gave Claire and Kort a hard time about deciding to have kids. But sometimes, I really felt like Harry and I understood each other.

They all left then, and the apartment felt too empty, too quiet.

I ordered a pizza for myself and curled back up in bed. Garfunkel sank into the empty space next to me, where Lily had been last night. He was warm, and soft, but it wasn’t the same.

I got out my phone.

I tried to empty my brain the best way I knew how. I watched a train make its slow way through the German countryside.

9

Lily

I seriously contemplated not going to work on Monday morning. I rarely called in sick. I deserved it.