But I knew it was simply delaying the inevitable. Jonny and Preeti and Bri would give me a hard time on Tuesday, instead. Best to rip off the Band-Aid. And I actually felt better, putting on my scrubs, doing my makeup, brushing my hair, like it was any other day. Like I had not spent all of yesterday afternoon in some kind of fugue state, my head and my heart trying to reconcile what I had done.

I couldn’t tell if I was consumed with guilt, or with mourning. Or both.

Like most Monday mornings, it was busy at the clinic. Animals to help check in for surgery, phone calls to answer. Emails to respond to, records to send. A woman came in for a morning appointment with two new kittens, little black and white furballs we all got to cuddle and coo.

It wasn’t my dream job, but it wasn’t all bad, sometimes.

If luck was on my side, I would have been on a different lunch schedule today than everyone. But when I was finally able to collapse onto the saggy couch in the break room, Jonny and Preeti were there, finishing up their lunches.

“Girrrrl!” Jonny practically screamed.

“I’m dying, Lily.” Preeti sat up in her chair. “DYING.”

“I can’t believe I missed the kiss!” Jonny moaned. “I am never leaving Moonie’s early again.”

“So did you bang?”

Jonny hit Preeti’s shoulder.

“Preeti. Be decent.” He leaned toward me. “But you know you could tell us, if you wanted to.”

“I mean, obviously they banged,” Preeti said.

I sighed. This was mortifying, but honestly it would be easiest to answer. Other than customer care, oversharing was our clinic’s top skill. “Yes, we did.”

Preeti squealed.

“So when are you seeing them again? God, you two were so precious.”

“Oh.” I dug my lunch out of my bag. “I’m not, probably?” I stood to busy myself by the microwave.

“What do you mean you’re not?” Preeti sounded aghast.

I pressed the timer on the microwave and turned around, leaning my palms on the counter.

“Come on, you guys,” I said. “You know Moonie’s Lily isn’t me. It was a special night, yeah. But it wasn’t…” I shrugged. “Real.”

They both frowned.

“What do you mean, it wasn’t real?” Preeti asked. “I saw the way they looked at you all night, the way you looked at them.”

I turned back around, trying to find a clean fork. They didn’t get it.

And seriously, what the shit ever happened to all the forks in this place?

“Lily,” Jonny tried, his voice sincere. “We all really liked them.”

“Yeah,” Preeti said. “We really did. They were fun, and sweet.”

They were fun and sweet. And kind. And sexy.

I thought of their maps. The train videos. The way they looked at me at Moonie’s.