Actually, scratch that; I bet the conversations were probably the worst, too.

But they felt like the best, and that’s what talking to Lily right now felt like. Like maybe I actually had gotten the answers to her questions right. The way she looked at me, slightly entertained but her eyes all twinkly, too, made me feel like something was going right. The fact that she had even woken me up to ask me such questions was—well, kind of weird, but also kind of sweet.

And the fact that she snuggled onto my shoulder when I brought up the first train video instead of raising a skeptical eyebrow—could’ve gone either way, in my estimation—felt like something was definitely going right.

After we watched a few minutes of train footage, I’d move the conversation back to her. Ask her more about her job, how long she’d worked there, if she wanted to keep making clothes as a hobby or if she’d ever thought about doing it professionally. Kort ran her own small business, pounding copper in a rather violent fashion into surprisingly delicate jewelry; maybe she could give Lily some advice.

Or maybe we shouldn’t talk about work at all; maybe we should just get breakfast and talk about our favorite breakfast foods. Or I could make us tea to soothe our throats and then we could have lots more sex.

“This guy’s in Serbia a lot,” I said into her hair as the video started. “There’s no commentary, just the countryside going by. For hours. So it really feels like you’re there. It’s weird, but whenever I’m feeling anxious, a train video always calms me down.”

Lily hummed into my chest.

It was the last thing I remembered.

The next time I woke up, the sun was higher in the sky, harsher against my eyelids. My phone was facedown on my chest.

And I must have been wrong.

Things must not have been going right after all.

Because Lily was gone.

8

Sam

For the smallest moment, a lick of hope flared in my chest when I picked the phone up and saw the notifications for new texts. Before my bleary eyes comprehended that they were from Claire and Kort.

I realized then that I had never actually gotten Lily’s number. Hadn’t even thought about it.

I didn’t even know her last name.

Romantic prowess: negative five hundred.

I closed my eyes, took a few breaths in and out before I stood—damn, I was sore—and did a cursory sweep of the apartment.

But as suspected, Lily had not left a note.

Claire: omg Sam! Is it true nobody showed to karaoke?? But you always get there so early; don’t tell us you were there alone :(

Kort: SERIOUSLY SAM IF THIS HAPPENED I WILL DIE

Claire: text us back ASAP to tell us what happened & tell us you don’t hate us