But my stupid thoughts wouldn’t stop.

Why wasn’t I enough?

What was so wrong with me?

I hugged my knees back to my chest and closed my eyes. I tried to put myself back in that closet. I tried to focus on the guy pressed against me.

I’d thought it was Jacob. But there was a good chance it wasn’t. And I wasn’t sure I could ever ask him because I was so mortified. It was bad enough that Sophie knew I was a slut. I didn’t need anyone else to know about this.

“Are you sleeping?” my dad asked.

I opened my eyes. I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. If my dad thought I was sleeping on this bench I bet a bunch of other patrons did too. I probably looked like a homeless person.

I cleared my throat. “No, I was just thinking.”

He handed me a hotdog. “Thinking about what?”

Getting some advice from my dad would probably be helpful. It would certainly be more helpful than my mom’s had been. But I didn’t want my dad to know that I’d kissed anyone. Or he might lock me in my room for good.

“Just...thinking,” I said lamely.

“Hm.”

A lot of people had that reaction to me recently. I took a bite of my hotdog as I stared at the red pandas. I kept staring at the two snuggling. I wondered if one of them had accidentally kissed someone else once. In a snake cage not meant for them.

“Are you okay, pumpkin?” my dad asked. “You’ve been quiet all weekend.”

I shrugged.

“You can talk to me, you know.”

I sniffed. His kind words made me want to cry again. I stared up at him. Maybe I could word this in a way that wouldn’t get me in trouble. “How did you know mom was the one?”

My dad’s eyebrows pulled together. “Well, first of all, I was in my late 20s.”

I sighed. Apparently my dad wasn’t going to be helpful. I took another bite of my hotdog. The zoo had been a mistake. It just made me realize that I wasn’t a kid anymore. And a few cute animals couldn’t make my day.

My dad cleared his throat. “But when I was with her it always felt easier to breathe.”

“Easier to breathe?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah.” He turned to look at the red pandas again.

That was actually very interesting. When I was nervous and my heart was racing, it was a little hard to breathe. That was how Axel had been making me feel recently. Or maybe being pissed at him made my heart race? I used to feel comfortable around him. And I still did sometimes. But recently I’d just been so confused.

But Jacob? He calmed me. He made it easier to breathe. I smiled.