“Sorry, Savage,” Matt said, sounding not at all sorry. “It was you or me so—” He shrugged. “You okay? You look a little green. Need something to take the edge off? I always carry a few Xanax in my first aid kit.” He extended his hand, a tiny blue pill in his palm.

It wasn’t the first time Natalie had been offered other people’s prescription drugs while working, but it was the first time it had happened on the newsroom floor. She glared at Matt. “Can you just let me out, please,” she said, desperate to get away from him.

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

She walked down the hall toward the ladies room and checked her email. To her relief, there was nothing fatal. No note from Bibb. No urgent message from Human Resources demanding her immediate presence.

Dodged a bullet.

“Natalie?” She turned to see a miniskirted What Girl walking toward her. “I have a message from the Chief. He’d like to see you. Fifth-floor conference room, one hour.”

No, she corrected herself. You’re about to be taken out behind the building and eliminated.

6

The Age of Nielsen

Natalie stepped into the fifth-floor conference room for her meeting with the Chief and beheld a sight that looked like Bad Dream Mt. Rushmore: Bibb sitting on one side of the lacquer table, with Handsy Hal capering alongside a What Girl at the coffee urn behind them.

Of course.

Of course, Natalie realized she should have expected Bibb to be here. But during the hour she had spent plumping her personality to make sure to sparkle enthusiastically in front of the Chief, it hadn’t crossed her mind that Bibb and her underlings would commandeer front-row seats to her humiliation.

Natalie had been raised since her earliest days in the school of Always See the Glass Half Full. Her mind was ready to switch to “Well, things could be worse...” mode when Reality Show Ryan sauntered in, grinning. Yes, things had definitely gotten worse.

Ryan looked like he’d tanned and whitened his teeth in the time since the town hall. “Am I late?” he asked, in a pleasure’s-all-yours way that that made clear he really didn’t care. His eyes landed on Natalie and he lit up.

“Natalie Savage!” Ryan was now giving her an Engaging Smile. Somehow every one of his expressions looked preprogrammed, as if he’d copied them from a book called How To Be a News Reporter or Just Act Like One! “I am so glad to meet you in the flesh. I’m a huge fan!”

Smile! Natalie ordered herself as Ryan opened his arms in a hug and crushed her into his chest. It was like being smothered by an overzealous yellow Lab. She felt relieved when she was released without being licked.