Oh god, she thought with a sinking feeling. It was happening all over again. Either she could stay for dinner and for the night, triggering the endless dance of subtle dissatisfaction that would end in three to six weeks with him saying he didn’t think she was available for a relationship, and her saying no it was just her job. Or her desperation to get a job.

Or she could end it now. Like a mature, considerate adult.

“It was Matt on the phone,” she said feeling guilty. “He has a lead.”

“Cool, come tell us about it.”

“I can’t,” she said, almost a whisper. “I have to go.”

“No, you don’t. You can relax and finish dinner,” he said warmly.

She imagined how James would soon remember her. Selfish woman, used me for my satellite reading skills and my parent’s bad takeout.

“James, let’s not do this,” she said. “I’m probably done here. I’ll be gone from DC in a few days.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well. I’ve become kind of attached to your dog. I wouldn’t mind having a long-distance relationship with Cronkite.”

Natalie laughed. “I wish the timing was different.”

“You can make it different,” he said sincerely. “You don’t have to go.”

As they looked at one another, she remembered kissing him and felt a rush of doubt. Maybe she was making a mistake. Maybe she should stay.

“God, I know that look.” James laughed ruefully. “It’s how my dad looked when he explained why he couldn’t make my middle school soccer finals. Okay, I get it. You gotta go.”

The words stung. He wasn’t going to fight for her.

“I’d better take Cronkite with me,” she said, feeling her throat tighten. “I’ll have my sister, Sarah, come pick him up from my place.”

He stood aside as she went into the next room, made her apologies to James’s parents, and rounded up Cronkite. When she returned, James was waiting by the door.

She approached him, and standing close, he tipped her chin up. “It’s been nice getting to know you, Natalie Savage,” he told her, his thumb resting on her bottom lip. His eyes held hers for one perfect moment. Then he released her and said, “You’ll get your story, don’t worry. I just hope you get the happy ending, too. You’re worth it.”

She was shaking when she led Cronkite down the stairs.

30

On Lies, Secrets, and Breaking the Silence

Anita Crusoe was standing in front of the big picture window, on the phone, looking at the landscape without seeing it. Part of her had been expecting this call. Some part of her knew it had only been a matter of time.

“Yes, I’m sure, Karima. Send her,” Anita said. “I’m ready.”