“I hope you said you’ll be too busy steaming your vagina,” Natalie laughed.

“I don’t know how much more of her holistic hippie phase I can take,” Sarah said. “So, what’s up?”

Natalie felt a tinge of guilt for bothering Sarah. Sarah was a single mom dealing with responsibilities that were more consequential than anything Hal or Bibb could think up. She didn’t need to manage Natalie’s insecurities. Casually Natalie said, “Oh it’s nothing. The head of the network is coming tomorrow. The new guy. I have to impress him.”

“Great. Pitch him a story you’re passionate about. Something you can really dig into. Find some good injustice or cover-up. That’s when you shine.”

“I wish,” Natalie said, meaning it. “If it doesn’t involve a White House misstep or a foreign leader in meltdown, I’m not getting it on air.”

“Listen, you always told Dad you wanted to be at the White House because what you did there mattered. You could shine a light on injustice. Impact people’s lives. So do it!” Just then Sarah’s four-year-old daughter, Lulu, let out a shriek and Sarah said, “I gotta go, I think Lulu just woke up,” then abruptly hung up.

Natalie was thinking that Lulu had an impressively powerful shriek for a three-foot-tall person when her phone buzzed.

MOM: Hi, dear. I just re-watched you on TV. Please don’t get mad at me but your skin is looking a little sallow again. Are you taking the CoQ10 I sent you?

MOM: It’s important to look healthy. Good health attracts people. It’s probably good for ratings, too.

MOM: Have you seen your ratings? How are they?

Giving in, Natalie typed a reply:

NATALIE: Hi, Mom. How are you?

MOM: Great! Gerald and I just did a hot tub together. He is wonderfully flexible.

Shuddering, Natalie redirected.

NATALIE: Guess what. My boss asked me to shell out $600 for a chemical hair straightening treatment. Can you imagine anything so crazy?

MOM: Why not try? We need to invest in our success.

NATALIE: I Googled. It’s made with formaldehyde. It causes scalp cancer in lab animals! Who pays $600 to get scalp cancer?

MOM: No that’s terrible for the environment. No. My healer gave me a recipe for a wonderful earth-friendly conditioner: aloe vera cooked with agave nectar, a ripe banana, flat beer, and an egg. If it’s too emollient, add a touch of apple cider vinegar or urine. Human is fine.

NATALIE: I think I’d prefer scalp cancer.

MOM: Dear is there a date you can bring to the wedding? It’s important that you find a partner—not just for the wedding. For life. I read that people who don’t have regular sexual activity die early.

NATALIE: I’ll make a note of it. Love you. Going to sleep.