Chapters (55)
I sometimes wonder what J is thinking. I know she’s supporting S and me for now, and I’m grateful for that, but has she forgotten that this house belongs to all three of us? She’s got no more right to it than Peter and me, and just because I left and she chose to stay doesn’t mean that she suddenly gained any extra entitlement. But she manages to make me feel beholden to her every day. It’s like she sees me as a second-class citizen who she only tolerates in the house because of her own magnanimity and not because we are flesh and blood. S is her niece, for God’s sake, but there’s no affection for her, no kindness for either of us, in fact.
And she holds the purse strings so tightly it’s like she actually wants me to suffer. Yesterday I asked her for some money so that I could buy some sandals for S. She can hardly wear her wellingtons all summer and anyway, she is growing so fast that I doubt they will still fit her by the autumn. But the fuss Joan made. You’d have thought I’d asked her for the Crown Jewels and not a few pounds to buy my child some shoes. She made me feel like I had to beg. My own sister. Sometimes I hate her.
But there’s nothing to be gained from making life more difficult than it already is, so I bit my tongue and in the end she gave me the money, all deep sighs and eye-rolling, mind you, just so I knew how grateful I was supposed to be. So S and I went to the shoe shop. I let her choose for herself and she picked out the dearest little pair in red with tiny flowers punched out of the leather. If they’d done them in bigger sizes, I’d have bought some, too – not that I had the money, of course. And then on the way home we went for an ice cream with raspberry sauce, which we ate as we walked on the prom, and we chased seagulls, and then we ran into the sea and got our dresses wet. The water was perishing and our legs went blue, but we didn’t care. I want to make the most of the sea whilst we’re here. When we go back to London it won’t be so easy.
But they had never made it to London. Audrey had told Pip that Evelyn was still here. For all her talk of moving back with Scarlet and picking up her acting career again, she seemed to have become trapped in Southwold. Scarlet would be nearly forty by now. Pip hoped that she, at least, had spread her wings.
18
18
Having decided that she’d like to chat to Jez, Pip managed to catch him after breakfast the next day.