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Back Reluctantly Home Save as PDF
Chapters (55)
  1. TITLE PAGE
  2. COPYRIGHT PAGE
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. 22
  25. 23
  26. 24
  27. 25
  28. 26
  29. 27
  30. 28
  31. 29
  32. 30
  33. 31
  34. 32
  35. 33
  36. 34
  37. 35
  38. 36
  39. 37
  40. 38
  41. 39
  42. 40
  43. 41
  44. 42
  45. 43
  46. 44
  47. 45
  48. 46
  49. 47
  50. 48
  51. 49
  52. 50
  53. 51
  54. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  55. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

She looked up and saw Mr Lancaster, his benevolent smile present on his face as it always used to be. Pip had no reason to hide what she was doing, but something made her guarded. This was her story and she wanted to protect it, at least for now.

‘Yes, thank you,’ she said, removing the cartridge from the machine and slotting it back into the box.

‘Excellent,’ replied Mr Lancaster, but he made no further attempt to pry into what she had been reading. ‘Well, I hope we see you in here again soon. Are you staying with your parents for a while?’

Pip bristled, but she kept her smile fixed and said, ‘I’m not sure, but I imagine I’ll be heading back to London in the not-too-distant future.’

He nodded, as if this was good news, and then retreated back to the shelves. Pip shouldered her bag and picked up the box, carrying it carefully back to the desk. Was she going back to London soon? She had no idea, but she realised that for now, at least, she wanted to stay where she was. She had things she needed to do here in Southwold.

29

29

That night Pip read to the end of the diary. It was heartbreaking. With no Scarlet to light up her days, Evelyn’s life seemed to have become even more insular than it had been before. Gone were the bubbly anecdotes of activities undertaken with her daughter, the painstaking recording of funny things Scarlet said or did. It was as if someone had turned Evelyn’s world down from vivid technicolour to black and white, and she was merely going through the motions of her life rather than living it. Her pain seeped out from every word.

Friday 2nd September

I don’t know how I can go on. Just taking a breath is sometimes more than I can manage. I wonder whether there is any point in even trying. What would it matter if I just stopped? What does anything matter now that my beautiful baby girl is gone? I didn’t know it was possible to hurt this much. People always talk about their heart breaking, but I thought that was just a figure of speech. Now I understand. It is a physical pain. It stabs me in the chest and feels as real as if someone has actually plunged a dagger between my ribs. Every part of me aches. I can’t sleep because when I close my eyes all I see is the tiny coffin. I can’t eat – even the thought of food makes me nauseous. If I do drop off, then I wake up and for just one instant everything seems normal, like I will just go into her room and find her giggling in her bed. And then I remember.