Chapters (55)
Pip saw a variety of emotions register on Evelyn’s face in the aftermath of her confession. First shock, then anger, then repulsion followed by a dark curiosity, and now something that Pip hoped might be pity.
Neither woman spoke, each apparently considering what could possibly be said, and then Evelyn swallowed. She appeared to be measuring her response. She’ll throw me out now, thought Pip. This embryonic relationship we were delighting in just moments ago is going to evaporate into thin air. It was a fair reaction. How could Evelyn be expected to tolerate her, given what she’d done, particularly when you put it into the context of Evelyn’s own life?
Pip began to push herself to her feet. She would leave now, before Evelyn had a chance to ask her to go. That would be best for both of them. She had returned the diary, which was the most important thing. Now the two of them could go back to the way things had been before and forget they had ever spent a pleasant couple of hours in each other’s company.
‘Did you do it on purpose?’ Evelyn asked calmly.
Pip, who had been caught up in her own thought process, was thrown for a moment. When she didn’t reply, Evelyn repeated herself.
‘Did you do it on purpose, kill the child on purpose?’ she said, louder this time.
Pip was horrified. Her cheeks burned and she could feel her throat close up as tears filled her eyes. ‘No!’ she said, her voice small, childlike. ‘No! Of course not! It was an accident. A horrible, terrible accident. He ran under the wheels of my car. It wasn’t my fault. The police, the coroner, they all said that I wasn’t to blame . . . But I killed him. If it hadn’t been for me, he would still be alive.’
Pip waited for the wave to engulf her, but nothing happened. Neither of them moved. Pip knew she was hollow inside – the last few months had shown her that – but so, it appeared, was Evelyn. She sat still, staring first at Pip and then, when that appeared to become too uncomfortable, at the mountain of cornflake boxes. The tap dripped steadily, the droplets of water thrumming on the stainless steel like the ticking of a clock as the moments passed. It was such an insistent noise that Pip couldn’t believe she hadn’t heard it before, even though it must have been there, punctuating their conversation.
Then Evelyn stood up. This is it, thought Pip. She’s going to ask me to leave now. She braced herself ready to receive the dismissal, but instead Evelyn said, ‘Come with me. I want to show you something.’
She walked stiffly but with purpose across the kitchen to the door. When Pip failed to follow, she stopped and beckoned her to go with her.