Back Practical Demonkeeping
Chapters (82)
  1. PRACTICALDEMONKEEPING
  2. CHRISTOPHER MOORE
  3. CONTENTS
  4. Part 1
  5. SATURDAY NIGHT
  6. THE BREEZE
  7. Part 2
  8. SUNDAY
  9. PINE COVE
  10. TRAVIS
  11. ROBERT
  12. AUGUSTUS BRINE
  13. THE DJINN’S STORY
  14. ARRIVAL
  15. ROBERT
  16. THE HEAD OF THE SLUG
  17. 10
  18. AUGUSTUS BRINE
  19. 11
  20. EFFROM
  21. 12
  22. JENNIFER
  23. Part 3
  24. SUNDAY NIGHT
  25. 13
  26. NIGHTFALL
  27. 14
  28. DINNER
  29. 15
  30. RACHEL
  31. 16
  32. HOWARD
  33. 17
  34. BILLY
  35. 18
  36. RACHEL
  37. 19
  38. JENNY’S HOUSE
  39. 20
  40. EFFROM
  41. 21
  42. AUGUSTUS BRINE
  43. 22
  44. TRAVIS AND JENNY
  45. Part 4
  46. MONDAY
  47. 23
  48. RIVERA
  49. 24
  50. AUGUSTUS BRINE
  51. 25
  52. AMANDA
  53. 26
  54. TRAVIS’S STORY
  55. 27
  56. AUGUSTUS
  57. 28
  58. EFFROM
  59. 29
  60. RIVERA
  61. 30
  62. JENNY
  63. 31
  64. GOOD GUYS
  65. 32
  66. THE HEAD OF THE SLUG
  67. 33
  68. RIVERA
  69. 34
  70. U-PICK-EM
  71. 35
  72. BAD GUYS, GOOD GUYS
  73. 36
  74. JENNY, ROBERT, RIVERA, AMANDA, TRAVIS, HOWARD, AND THE SPIDER
  75. 37
  76. GOOD GUYS
  77. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  78. About the Author
  79. PRAISE FORChristopher Moore
  80. ALSO BYChristopher Moore
  81. Credits
  82. Copyright

The gun clicked, the hammer fell on an empty chamber. He pulled the trigger again and the gun fired. Inside the small bedroom the gun’s report sounded like the end of the world. A large, ragged hole appeared in the door. From the hall came the high-pitched scream of a woman. Effrom dropped the gun.

For a moment he stood there, gunfire and the scream echoing in his head. Then he thought of his wife. “Oh my God! Amanda!” He ran forward. “Oh my God, Amanda. Oh my…” He threw the door open, leapt back, and grabbed his chest.

The monster was down on its hands and knees. His arms and head filled the doorway. He was laughing.

“Fooled you, fooled you,” the monster chanted.

Effrom backed into the bed and fell. His mouth moved like wind-up chatter dentures, but he made no sound.

“Nice shot, old fella’,” the monster said. Effrom could see the squashed remains of the .45 bullet just above the monster’s upper lip, stuck like an obscene beauty mark. The monster flipped the bullet off with a single claw. The heavy slug thudded on the carpet.

Effrom has having trouble breathing. His chest was growing tighter with each breath. He slid off the bed to the floor.

“Don’t die, old man. I have questions for you. You can’t imagine how pissed I’ll be if you die now.”

Effrom’s mind was a white blur. His chest was on fire. He sensed someone talking to him, but he couldn’t understand the words. He tried to speak, but no words would come. Finally he found a breath. “I’m sorry, Amanda. I’m sorry,” he gasped.

The monster crawled into the room and laid a hand on Effrom’s chest. Effrom could feel the hand, hard and scaly, through his pajamas. He gave up.

“No!” the monster shouted. “You will not die!”

Effrom was no longer in the room. He was sitting on a hill in England, watching the shadow of death floating toward him across the fields. This time the zeppelin was coming for him, not the base. He sat on the hill and waited to die. I’m sorry, Amanda.

“No, not tonight.”

Who said that? He was alone on the hill. Suddenly he became aware of a searing pain in his chest. The shadow of the airship began to fade, then the whole English countryside dissolved. He could hear himself breathing. He was back in the bedroom.

A warm glow filled his chest. He looked up and saw the monster looming over him. The pain in his chest subsided. He grabbed one of the monster’s claws and tried to pry it from his chest, but it remained fast, not biting into the flesh, just laid upon it.